


From the Rubble

by shieldfansunite



Category: AOS - Fandom, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel TV, shield - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Apparently I Love Pain, F/M, Gen, Leo Fitz deserves better, Multi, Pain, Paraplegia, Why do I do this, daily dose of ouch, pain pain pain, shieldfansunite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2019-11-15 22:16:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18081935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shieldfansunite/pseuds/shieldfansunite
Summary: Basically, I've changed what happens to Fitz in the season 5 finale. It's pretty angst-filled but will have happy moments. I have had the idea of Leo being paralyzed for a while and after season 5 decided to work on it, and am now rewriting it so it is better.





	1. Bleeding Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ughh_Fitz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ughh_Fitz/gifts).



> Hey guys, so I actually wrote this as a fic before my need for things to be perfect took over and so I am rewriting it. I want to do a warning rn, I have the list as a general audience but some chapters may deal with depression and other heavy stuff so just be prepared. I will put warnings before those heavy chapters. As far as this one goes it does have slight (?) graphic injuries as it takes place during 5x22

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Aɴᴅ I ᴄʟᴏsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴇʏᴇs  
Aɴᴅ I ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ɪɴ  
Aɴᴅ I'ᴍ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ

―――――――――――――――――――――――

 

It was the ticking clock that was driving Daisy insane. She had waved off the nurses ‘you need medical attention as well’ at least six times as she limped back and forth. The entire team had gathered together to wait for the news on Fitz. There was, of course, others at the hospital who had loved ones in surgery, but Leo’s situation was more severe than the man who was getting pins in a broken knee, and a woman having wrist surgery.

 

Everyone grieves and worries in their own way. The team was the only one who could read the fear written in Daisy’s eyes as she paced back and forth. The others in the hospital waiting room just saw a woman, covered in her own blood and dirt pacing, seemingly annoyed. No one dare speak to Daisy or tell her she should sit down and rest from her own fight. Not to mention the new serum coursing through her veins.

 

Elena was sitting next to Mack, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She was looking through one of the English Bibles the hospital had offered while Mack kept his eyes pressed shut tightly, focusing on prayer. Mack hated feeling helpless, so he figured the least he could do was pray for the young man. At least that was something.

 

Coulson was messing with his fake hand, which ironically enough was made by the man who was now fighting for his life. He was messing with the buttons and finding features he didn’t even know existed. The team tried to get him to stay back at the Zephyr, but after hearing what happened to Fitz, he wanted to wait for him. Saying ‘if I’m going to die, I may at least die making sure my son is okay.’ In the heat of the moment, no one seemed to really catch what he had said.

 

May was staring out the window, not looking around at the team, she didn’t want them to see her distress, and the few tears running down her face. The image of Leo so pale and the feeling of his cold body caused her to shiver slightly. She quickly dried her eyes before returning her gaze to stone cold but finding it hard.

 

Jemma was mentally calculating the severity of his wounds and walking herself step by step through what the surgery would have. From what May and Mack had described he would need a thorough examination for internal bleeding, she was also certain one, or both of his legs were broken, and his hands may have several fractions. However, the woman was most worried about future brain damage. So she focused herself on the medical side of things, it was easier than facing the reality of her husband's current situation. She kept telling herself he would make it.

 

Daisy turned sharply to the lady at the receptionist desk. “You couldn’t choose a quieter clock!” She shouted through the peacefully quiet of the hospital. The team all glanced over at her all pulled from their own grieving. “I mean really? There are people out there worried about their loved ones!” She snapped. The building was shaking ever so slightly and Mack was getting ready to calm her down.

 

“Daisy, Daisy stop,” Jemma glanced over, he sounded so much like his grandfather, minus the accent of course. Deke wasn’t afraid to approach Daisy, pulling her into his arms. At first, Daisy was tense before her body relaxed against Deke. The quaking stopped within seconds and she broke down crying in his arms.

 

It’s not that Daisy necessarily trusted Deke, but her emotions were raw and his contact caused her to break down. The way he hugged her reminded her of when she became inhuman and Leo took her in his arms. _‘You’re just different now, you’re just different now and there is nothing wrong with that.’_ Those words got her through that hard time. He understood what it was like to have something change you so much, and what did she do when he needed her? She locked him up and called him a monster.

 

Deke soon let go of Daisy, knowing she didn’t necessarily want him, but his grandfather. “Why don’t you sit down Daisy, and have a nurse look you over,” he encouraged. Daisy nodded, her sadness making her cooperate. Deke helped the inhuman sit down before walking over to Jemma who stood up to hug him tightly.

 

“Deke I thought you were, where did, what…” she trailed off. Deke had a calm smiled on his face. “Guess when Fitz wakes up I can tell him I was right, and that I didn’t blink out of existence.” Jemma smiled weakly as she hugged him tighter. “I’m glad you're here,” she said honestly.

 

“I saw on the news about how there was only one person taken to the hospital, thanks to shield… and then I learned that that person was a shield agent and came back to the lighthouse. Piper brought me here and told me what happened… Is he, I mean will he…” Deke said sputtering nervously.

 

“We don’t know yet,” Jemma admitted sitting down and running her hands through her hair as tears filled her eyes. “It’ll be okay,” Elena said speaking up and resting her hand on Jemma’s shoulder. Jemma nodded weakly before leaning her head on her grandson's shoulder, taking comfort in knowing that she still had him.

 

**~~~ Tʜʀᴇᴇ Hᴏᴜʀs Aɢᴏ ~~~**

 

Leo caught a glimpse of May and Mack as the rocks were cleared from off of him. The last thing he expected to have to go through was being trapped under layers of rock. He would be lying if he said a part of him was surprised to see them trying to help. Most of that, of course, was his self-doubt. It would have been safer for the team to leave him. Leo tried to push back those thoughts and focus on getting out of this. Leo struggled to breathe due to the heavy concrete that was still crushing his chest, his mind felt disconnected from itself, like a thousand signals were being sent through the nerves causing a traffic jam.

 

He watched as the two tossed the rocks to the side, away from his frail body. His hands seared with pain and the bones in his left leg ached. When the ceiling came down on him his leg had gotten bent, and he was pretty sure his kneecap was shattered. “I hope you saved some energy,” Leo muttered. His voice was wavering and weak. He had a weak laugh escape with his comment. “Cause my legs bent. I think it’s broken.” He said trying to focus his mind on what had happened.

 

“You’ll have to carry me out,” Leo said sucking in a small breath as he rested his hand on his forehead. Mack nodded grabbing the concrete from his chest and pulled it off of him. Leo felt his entire body tingle and his hands shake “I got you Turbo,” Mack promised, a smile tugging at his lips as he freed his friend. Leo took a deep breath in, feeling half his body go numb. The tingling in his leg going away. It must have been the shock of what had happened.

 

Once he had taken a deep breath Leo brought his hands up to cover his eyes. There was a steady pounding in them as he tried to focus on anything but pain. He tried to hold back a whimper from the feelings in his hands. “I think it’s a bad break, cause I can’t feel it.”  Leo did his best to inform his team but it was getting harder for his mind to focus. There was a sharp ringing in his ears and a pulsing in his mind, not to mention his previous brain injury feeling re-agitated.

 

Leo pressed his eyes shut, which caused him to miss the glances shared between Mack and May. Both spotting the metal shard running through his stomach, neither of them was sure what to do or if there was any way to help him. After the glanced between each other Mack spoke up, deciding it was best to distract Leo. “Relax buddy,” Mack said kneeling down next to the pale engineer, Leo’s hands were shaking as they rested against his face.

 

The new director placed one hand on Leo’s shoulder “just breath,” he ordered softly. “Huh? Yeah?” Leo muttered opening his eyes, his hands moving from in front of his eyes, and he glanced over at Mack. “Just breath,” His friend said once while taking the pale bruised hand in his. He knew the shaking would only make the pain worse.

 

”Okay,” Leo mumbled looking around the area, his mind trying to process the surroundings. He saw the brushed building surrounding him, he saw the light hanging from the ceiling by a thin wire. “I’m gonna stay with you,” Mack stated, Leo was confused by the statement but nodded looking back over at him. Mack wanted to pull Leo’s thoughts back to him, to keep things more manageable, the last thing they needed was for Leo to lose control of his mind. “Yeah,” Leo mumbled, starting to feel confused and dazed. His head was pounding.

 

“We’re gonna find a way out of this,” Mack promised him trying to think of how to save his friend. He thought about picking up the engineer and running to the Zephyr but realized removing the metal would cause him to bleed out. He thought about sending May off to get a doctor but realized there wasn’t enough time. “Yeah, okay...okay,” Leo muttered as he relaxed. Having someone there caring for him, it made him feel wanted, like maybe the team still cared, maybe he didn’t lose them for good.

 

After a second Leo sat back up a little as if his mind finally snapped back into reality. Seeing him like this caused May’s eyes to water, she had to fight back her tears and focus on the now. She had to do or say something, but she couldn’t even move. Seeing Fitz lying there made her remember when he was young, innocent, and _childlike_. It was like Bahrain all over again, watching someone so young lose their life. “Right, we should hurry up and get Polly out… Cause she’s in danger.” Leo said forgetting about his own injuries and issues. May was snapped back into the present and from her own mind and memories.

 

“She’s safe now,” May said speaking up, a wave of emotions hit her. She forced himself to really look at him, only 5 years ago was she telling him that he had to get his hands dirty when in the field and watching him struggle to open a glass door. Now, she was watching his blood and bruised covered hands and him struggling to breathe. “You got her out,” Mack said his voice was wavering as he spoke, and May was glad he caused the young man’s attention to shift from her to Mack.

 

May remembered when she was his age, wanting nothing more than to have children with her ex-husband, and now, she watching the man who had become her son, dying. “You did good turbo, you did really good,” the statement was one May could agree with, nodding slightly. Leo seemed shaken by Mack’s words, he could hear something different in his voice, something that encouraged him to relax, to completely trust the team. He slowly leaned his head back on the rubble behind him. “Okay,” he mumbled his eyes closing for a moment.

 

The room grew silent as May and Mack looked down. The seconds that passed felt like an eternity as both tried to process what had happened. Unable to believe someone they loved so much was gone. Someone so kind and brilliant was taken from the world. Both silently blaming themselves for what had happened, both saying they should have done more, but both also know there was nothing they could have done.

 

Leo body was jolted slightly and May and Mack shared a quick glance before focusing on Leopold. He seemed to know exactly what he needed to say, his eyes focussing on Mack as he held his friend's hand. “Hey Mack,” his voice was quiet and still, yet he could be heard over the creaking of the building. Leo’s blue eyes were glazed over as if he was looking through the strong man. His skin turning incredible pale, ghost-like. There was a pause as though Leo had forgotten everything else. He seemed different, weak, and scared almost.

 

“I think my legs are broken,” he added slowly, his sentence cutting off as he watched his friend. Mack rubbed his shoulder softly, unsure what else he could do to help his friend. “You’ve been through worse.” He choked out before looking at May as Leo slowly leaned against the rocks. As if he needed to be told that he could shut his eyes and rest As if he needed permission to let go.

 

**~~~ Pʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ ~~~**

 

It had been 5 hours of surgery, and now, no amount of scientific reasoning could calm Jemma. She couldn't ignore the fact her husband could be dying, surrounded by strangers, while she was sitting in a waiting room. Mack had gone to grab food from the hospital cafeteria and Daisy had gone with him. After getting some medicine for her injuries and sitting down, she was a lot calmer than earlier.

 

May had moved from the window and was leaning against the wall stretching her legs as her eyes wandered around the room. She wanted to be training. Getting her anger out in any way possible. She wanted to bring Talbot back so she could beat him up. At least when Skye had been shot she could attack Ian Quinn, but now, the man who was responsible was floating around space.

 

Deke was using one hand flipping through the provided magazines, not sure how to handle his emotions. He had just met these people and yet the idea of not being around Fitz, his flesh and blood, it was painful. Deke would occasionally show Jemma something he saw in a magazine, it seemed the be the only thing keeping her from breaking down. Deke was holding his grandmother's hand with his left hand occasionally using his thumb to brush her skin.

 

Elena had gotten tired of sitting down and had taken Daisy's place in pacing the room. The other two families that had been waiting had left to see the loved ones after their surgery. So Elena had taken the opportunity to use the entire waiting room to place. Coulson had drifted off to sleep, his body still weak from his own health issues.

 

Jemma had tears streaming down her face as she waiting. Another family had arrived three minutes ago and Jemma watched as the doctor came out to tell them the good news that their loved one was awake and ready to see them. Jemma was glad they were happy but she hated it. She hated these 5 hours of unknown. He had been through enough, he didn't deserve this.

 

Mack and Daisy came back with some sandwiches and soda for the group of them. “Here Jemma, you need to eat,” Daisy said sitting on the other side of Jemma. Jemma didn't bother to acknowledge her and Deke just glanced at her. “Jem, C'mon,  you really think Fitz is gonna be happy to wake up and find out you've not been eating. He's gonna lose it,” Daisy said trying to force a smile.

 

Jemma was silent for a moment before nodding. “Y...yeah, you're right,” she said taking the small sandwich. “Thank you, Daisy,” she said gentle, unwrapping it to take a few bites. “He's going to be okay, he would never leave you,” Deke said. “Growing up families weren't exactly a thing. It was every man for himself. But not mine, you and bobo were the relationship everyone wanted. You two were the reason that after everything I've been through still believe in love,” Deke stated before glancing at Daisy who smiled gently.

 

Jemma took her hand back from Deke so she could focus on eating while Deke stretched out and rubbed the back of his neck. “You're a lot like him Deke,” Daisy said causing him to look over at her. “What do you mean?” He asked. “Fitz… you're just like him. Your grandfather is… in surgery and you're completely okay, making sure we are okay. And then when you're alone you're going to lose it.”

 

Deke looked down at his hands. “I'd rather focus on you guys than me… it's just easier to tell you guys it'll be okay then face the reality that…” he trailed off and Daisy grabbed his hand. “I know,” she said softly. Deke nodded before turning his attention back to Jemma. Encouraging her to continue eating.

 

**~~~ Fɪᴠᴇ Hᴏᴜʀs Aɢᴏ ~~~**

 

A split second later Mack and May heard movement from the stair shaft and Daisy entered the room. She was covered in dirt and had blood trailing down her face, her breathing was heavy and even if they had never met Daisy before it was obvious she had been through enough. Being a trained agent May could see the slight trembling in Daisy’s legs as she stood there. “Talbot’s gone, I was able to…” Daisy began the exhausted smile that was across her face slowly disappeared as she trailed off. Her eyes fixing on the agent laying in the rubble.

 

Leo was still awake but barely, his eyelids were fluttering and his hands had stopped moving and shaking. May could hear him mumbling incoherently as she looked over at Daisy. She wasn’t sure if the young inhuman would know how to respond. Yes, there had been bad blood between the agents lately, but it wasn’t unknown that Leo and Daisy had a bond. It wasn’t the kind of bond that Leo shared with Jemma, but it was just as deep.

 

Both agents had it hard growing up and often shoved down their own emotions to focus on the team. They both loved with their whole heart, and when they broke down, they broke hard. They weren’t team members. They were family. At that moment May could see the heartbreak that flooded Daisy’s face in a split second. Suddenly the adrenaline from her fight wearing off completely. In one second she went from the leader of the secret warriors to the broken girl who felt lost so many ago.

 

“Fitz,” Daisy gasped weakly running over to him, Tears seemed to be building up in her eyes as she knelt down next to him, wiping some of the dirt from his forehead. “What happened?” Daisy demanded to look between Mack and May. Almost as if she was accusing them. “The building shook and he wasn’t able to move in time,” May answered. “The ceiling came down and there is nothing we can do.”

 

Daisy didn’t seem to want to accept that as an answer and she stood up looking around. When she was on the streets, living in a van, she had to learn how to adapt to bad events and how to come up with a solution. It was the only way she could survive and get through the nights on the street. She sorted through the ideas before coming up with something mildly reckless and stupid.

 

“Mack go get the med team, May and I will stay with him,” Daisy stated, not wanting to go into detail, there really wasn’t time. “Daisy he's lost too much blood there's no way…” Mack began, his voice was filled with guilt and regret as he spoke to Daisy. Daisy seemed unsatisfied with his doubt and snapped back

 

“I can use my power to keep the blood in his body the best I can, that way he doesn’t lose any more blood. Not go!” It took a split second for Mack to register the idea but when he realized what it meant he nodded. “I’ll be back, keep him alive,” he said darting from the room as fast as he could. He couldn’t get to the Zephyr in time but a few blocks away was a hospital, so Mack took off running through the streets, shoving past those who were still gaping at the spaceship.

 

Daisy didn’t wait to see if Mack was gone as she looked at Leo’s body. Leo seemed completely out of it now as the mumbling had stopped and his eyes were officially closed. “May. Hold him still. Cause this will hurt,” Daisy said positioning herself and grabbing onto the piece of metal coming from his left side. May barely had time to grab his shoulders before Daisy ripped the shard of metal from him cause the pain to wake him up and scream.

 

May hugged Fitz gently looking up at Daisy. “What were you thinking?!” She as Daisy stretched out her hand. The inhuman not seeming to hear, or care about May’s questions as she steadied herself. It wasn’t the best idea in the world but she began lightly quaking the wound, keeping the blood that was still in his body from leaking out.

 

Sweat was beading down Leo's forehead as May held him steady. The adrenaline had worn off and he felt the pain from the metal shard and caught sight of the blood. “I don't want to die….” he muttered breathlessly as he looked up at May, the woman softly help him and stroked her cheek with her hand. She wanted to tell him it would be okay, but she couldn’t live with the guilt of lying to him if he died so she just nodded. “I know,” she said softly as he rested against her chest.

 

“I ...I can't leave her...I can't leave Jemma,” he stammered before his eyes veered over to Daisy. Daisy had tears streaming down her face as she did her best to keep her hands steady. Her idea seemed to be working, but the vibration against his side seemed to be causing him a lot of pain as he tried to shift and move away from it, but couldn’t.

 

“You’re going to be okay Fitz, you just have to stay awake for a little longer. We’re going to get you out of this.” Daisy seemed more confident in making the promise than May did. Daisy shifted slightly almost losing her balance. She felt the corner of her mouth tick up slights. He’s going to be okay, she thought as she watched may softly brush his face.

 

Leo’s body jolted slightly and he winced for a moment before beginning to cough up blood. May supported him catching the blood in her hands so it wouldn’t cover his shirt. “Take a breath Fitz,” May said keeping her voice as calm as she could, despite the worry that was filling her mind as she stared at the engineer. She couldn’t handle the thought of losing him.

 

Leo was going into shock as his mind slowly began processing how bad his current situation was. His hands began trembling again as his head flopped back against May, tears falling down his cheeks as he realized Jemma would be all alone without him. He promised her he wouldn’t leave her and now…

 

“Tell…. Tell me how you met Jemma,” Daisy said glancing at him. She had heard the story from Jemma once before but she didn’t care. He needed to focus on anything but his injury, and Jemma was the one thing, the one person who he would fight for no matter what. Daisy knew that, and May knew that. She felt Leo relax slightly in her arms and he nodded a bit.

 

“Tell me about the first time you saw her.” May glanced at Daisy giving her an encouraging nod to let her know the idea was already working. Daisy fixed her eyes back on the injury, her stomach feeling sick as she looked at the gash in his side. Even if Mack could find the medics she had no idea how they could repair that damage before Leo would die. Daisy was losing hope that anything could work

 

“I..it was the... the academy.” Leo could barely get out the words. May knew he wouldn't last much longer between the blood loss and pain. “I was...running late, f… for my f… first class, and then… I ran into her and her… she was so frustrated,” he said as his skin grew paler. A slight smile, however, tugged at his lip at the memory

 

_She had been wearing jeans, a button up, and a navy blazer and her hair was tightly braided down her back. He, on the other hand, was wearing a mismatched plaid shirt and polka dot tie. She checked out his appearance for a moment before huffing a deep sigh.  Leo only made it worse when he tried to help._

_He had accidentally stepped on her chemistry book and she rolled her eyes. He could have sworn she was an academy senior.  The confidence she seemed to have as she snatched her books back up and glared at him. He never would have guessed it was her first day. Let alone that she was from another country and just as scared as he was._

 

“Then what?” May squeezed his hand slightly causing him to turn his attention back towards her. “Well… she said I should….watch where I…. I was going, and then….she saw m...my textbook and...that’s when we started talking,” he said as his eyes closed. His voice trailed out as the memory faded from his mind.

 

“Fitz!” Daisy called hoping for an answer but there was only silence. “Fitz, Fitz wake up,” May said urgently, slightly shaking the man's shoulders. “C'mon Fitz wake up,” she said before spotting Daisy, nearly losing it. “Daisy! Daisy, you have to focus. He's going to be okay but only if you focus on your job. And I focus on him okay?” May's voice was stern yet loving. Daisy nodded realizing she was right. Right now, keeping the blood in his body was a mission. nothing more.

 

Seconds later Mack came through with a medical team. “I’m keeping in as much blood as I can but he’s lost a lot, he passed out seconds before you got here.” Daisy did her best to force down emotions and talk as clearly as she could. But, she was losing her own strength, between watching her friend growing closer to death, and her fight with Talbot. “Agent you’ve done great, but until we get him to the hospital we need you to give us a little more help okay?” Daisy nodded as she glanced at May who gave her a firm nod before she looked at the medic. “I’ll do whatever you need me to, just make sure he doesn’t die.”

 

Mack helped remove the few other bricks before helping the medics lift Leo's limp pale body from the rocks. May quickly caught sight of the hospital the medics were coming from and made a mental note. “I...I'll tell Jemma,” she said her voice breaking a bit. Mack nodded before helping Daisy as they left the building with Fitz.

 

Once the team left May broke down sobbing. She pulled her knees close to her chest as tears ran down her face. His blood now dry in her hands. She tried to contain her breathing but it was hard. How could something so bad happen to someone so good? She took a few shaky breaths before calming herself down enough to stand. _His wife needed to know._

 

**~~~ Pʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ ~~~**

 

It had been thirteen hours since the Fitz had gone into surgery. The team was mostly sleeping in the waiting room, but Jemma was awake, watching the clock intently. She had gone through all the emotions, denial, anger, sadness, and more. She just wanted to see him.

 

She was glad Mack had taken him to an official hospital. There was no way she and Piper could have used their limited training to help him. And considering the doctors had been working for ten hours she knew it was extreme. She just hated not being there to oversee things.

 

She looked over at the team and say Elena and Mack cuddled into each other. May had her head on Coulson's lap. Even Deke and Daisy had fallen asleep while comforting each other. Daisy's head resting against his shoulder. Jem

a smiled slightly as she watched Deke lick his lips in his sleep. Gosh, he is so much like Leo. She thought before looking at the receptionist desk.

 

“Ma'am,” Jemma said speaking up. “Miss, I told you, when I find out the status of your loved one I will let you know,” the lady said without looking up. Jemma sunk back into the chair she was sitting in, wanting to scream, cry, and yell all at once.

 

_“You need to pay attention the next time you're walking!”_

 

Jemma smiled slightly as she thought back to when they met. Gosh, he was so handsome even back then.

 

_Leo had stepped back when she spoke, either scared or startled.  She barely understood what his mumbling was but it was definitely an apology. Jemma sucked in a breath as she looked at the man in front of her. He had thick curls covering his head and a mismatched tie and shirt._

 

_He had a sparkle in his eyes, so knowledgeable like he had seen and known more than anyone could ever know. After gathering her books she spotted his advanced psychics books. “Wow, that's a hard class,” she noted. And that's all it took for him to light up, the two discussing dielectric polarization right there in the middle of the hall._

 

The memory replayed in her mind as she closed her eyes. They were so young back then, and she never would have imagined he would be the man who owned her heart. The man who took her breath away with everything he did. The man who….

 

“Anyone here for Leopold Fitz,” the words pulled Jemma back to reality and her eyes flew up. She looked up spotting a surgical doctor, who seemed just as tired as the team. Jemma stood up, accidentally elbowing Mack, who seemed to realize what was happening and woke the rest of the team.

 

Jemma wanted the doctor to be beaming with pride. She wanted to see him happily exclaim that everything was perfect. But his somber expression made her feel sick. This wasn't fair. Her legs trembled as she walked over, the team following behind.

 

“How is he?” Deke was the only one brave enough to ask. The rest were too scared, and Jemma was physically unable to. She clung tightly to her grandson. He was the only thing keeping her on her feet as she stared at the man who had her world in his hand a mere two minutes before. The doctor glanced at the group before speaking.

 

“There were complications.”

 

 

 


	2. Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team has to handle the news about Fitz, and Jemma has a phone call to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was super fun for me to write. I won't give away to much RN but I was able to take the perspective of characters I have never written before! So that was nerve-wracking and exciting. I hope they seem in character or realistic.

 

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Wʜᴇɴ I ғᴇʟʟ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ʜᴏʟᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ  
Sᴘʀᴇᴀᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴡɪɴɢs ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏ  
Aɴᴅ ᴡʜᴇɴ Gᴏᴅ ᴛᴀᴋᴇs ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴡᴇ'ʟʟ sᴀʏ Hᴀʟʟᴇʟᴜᴊᴀʜ

―――――――――――――――――――――――

It was numbness that hit Jemma when the doctor spoke.  _ “Complications”  _ there shouldn't be complications. He should just, be okay. He had to be okay. Jemma swallowed as she earnestly waited for the next words. 

 

“It was a rough few hours, but right now, he's alive. He's not in the clear yet and we will have a full staff with him through the night. We will keep you updated,” The doctor's voice was confident and calming. Jemma nodded a bit, still leaning firmly against her grandson. 

 

“C...can we see him?” Jemma said after she had gathered herself a bit more. He was alive, and she just needed to see him. Even if he wasn't aware she needed to be comforted, she needed to be in his presence. 

 

The doctor looked down for a second. “Unfortunately, due to his blood loss, his immune system is down and to prevent infection we are keeping him as secluded as possible.” The doctor looked at the woman sorrowfully. The team was silent and unsure about what they could do.

 

“Well… is there a window in the room?” Daisy asked speaking up. “We… we just need to /see/ him.” She stepped forward giving Jemma a supportive glance. The inhuman has stitches in her forehead along with sweat pants and a baggy shirt Deke had bought and given her. 

 

There were dark circles under her eyes, along with the rest of the tired group. The doctor glanced at them all, spotting the red eyes as hopeless expressions. “I will see what I can do. In the meantime, I'll have my staff being you complimentary food from the cafeteria.”

 

The doctor gave the group an encouraging nod before walking off to talk with a nurse and check up on Fitz. Jemma let out a shaky breath and Daisy and Deke helped the woman over to the chairs. “You should sleep, at least till we see him,” Daisy said protectively. 

 

“Daisy I know what you're doing, and I appreciate you worrying about me but…” Jemma began. “There's no way she's sleeping till she sees him. She doesn't trust the doctors and has to see he's okay before she will relax,” Deke stated finishing her sentence. 

 

Daisy nodded “I know,” she muttered. “At least let Deke get you a change of clothes from the gift shop and freshen up a bit. Brush your teeth, hair, and wash your face,” May said chiming in as she walked over. She knelt down in front of Jemma. 

 

“Yes, Fitz is the one who is hurt. But that doesn't mean this isn't taking a toll on you. So take care of yourself a little so you can take care of him,” the older agent said resting a hand on Jemma's knee. Jemma glanced around her, she spotted the team giving her encouraging looks and felt her eyes gather with tears. 

 

“Thank you, for staying here with me… you guys didn't have to,” she said softly. “It...it means a lot to me, and Fitz will… well, it'll mean a lot to him as well,” she promised. Daisy softly squeezed Jemma's shoulder as Deke stood up. “I'll get you some hygiene stuff and change of clothes, but I'll be back soon.” 

 

Deke made his way from the group and turned down the hall. His mind fixing in on the signs that would lead him to the hospital shop. He had been there once before to get Daisy some clothes and Coulson a blanket. Luckily Mack had given him money to take care of everything. He looked around the empty corridor as his mind processed things. Suddenly he feels nine years old again.

 

_ Owen's hand was firm around his sons. The little boy staring as he watched the kree life his mom's body from the floor to carry her to the surface. She had been killed and why? She was smart and kind, and the kree didn't like that. They didn't like when she went against them to help others.  _

 

_ Deke had so many tears running down his face he could barely see. He was trembling as he watched them take his mother. His safety net. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he realized she was gone. _

 

_ It was the first time he had ever experienced that sting that death had. He had seen the kree kill before, but it didn’t seem real. It wasn’t until this moment, as he stood next to his father that he was forced to confront what death really was. _

 

Deke felt his throat tighten as he looked around. Eyes glittering with tears, half expecting someone to be staring at him. But the hallway remains empty. Deke shakes his head getting rid of the memory he'd fought hard to ignore. He had a mission, get some clothes and belongings for Jemma. But it happens again, memories surfacing. 

 

_ He's 16 this time. And he's standing with a group of lighthouse residents. His father is lifted from the ground and glances at Deke. The young man's eyes are narrow. He had been able to visit his father while he was locked up, begging him not to swear allegiance to SHIELD. But his father refused, saying he would die for his belief. _

 

_ Deke and his father were never close, so this had only made Deke angry. So while he watched the kree sentence his father and drag him to his feet, he felt himself push his way to the front of the crowd. He had tears in his eyes as he looked at his father. “It's your fault!” He shouted as the dragged Owen towards the elevator to send him to the surface.  _

 

_ “I asked you not to! I begged you!” Deke screamed as his father's eyes locked with him. Two kree held Deke from pursuing his dad. “You deserve this!!” He yelled. He could see a few kree glancing at him as the two shoved him to the floor. Virgil and Tess running over to him as Virgil swore Deke meant no harm. But the kree seemed to know that. He was one of them. Glad the SHIELD believer was dying. _

 

There it was again. A painful stabbing in his chest as the memory flooded back. This time the few tears traced down his face. He tried to fixate on the mission. He didn't show emotion, survivors aren't weak. However, one more memory flooded into his mind.

 

_ Deke raced back to the lighthouse and was careful not to crash into the walls as he ran towards the control room. He had found out there was a serious injury, a shield agent, and he had to know who it was. Piper and Davis heard him running towards them and looked up as he entered the room. _

 

_ He was panting and barely had time to catch his breath before Davis spoke “Deke? I thought you wanted to see the world… I thought you disappeared…” the agents seemed more confused than anything. “Who was it?” Deke gasped. “The news...they said a shield agent...who was it!” _

 

Deke crashed to the floor as he broke down crying. He couldn't lose Fitz. Not like he lost everyone else he loved. His back leans into the wall as he brings his hands up to the side of his face. He's hyperventilating as every emotion of losing people comes back. He can't lose his family again.

 

**~~~**

 

The woman's nerves were shot, and so after time passed and Deke Deke hadn’t returned, Jemma began worrying. She didn't want him to vanish or get hurt. She was about to ask Mack to go after him when she saw him come around the corner with a small gift shop bag.

 

The team could see something was off about Deke, but no one dared mention it. His usual positive upbeat look was replaced with silence, Jemma could see he had been crying. A part of her wanted to bring it up, but she knew Deke was the same as Leopold and bringing up the fact he cried would only make him feel weak.

 

“Thank you Deke,” Jemma said softly as she grabbed the bag. “They didn't have many small sizes again, hope that's okay. I also got a toothbrush thing and deodorant and a brush,” he muttered flopping into the chair. Jemma nodded before heading into the bathroom to change and straighten up.

 

Daisy reached over and gently squeezed his hand, causing Deke to look at her. “He's going to be okay. He's a fighter,” Daisy promised, Deke nodded relaxing into the chain. “Maybe it’s my fault, everyone I love dies, maybe if..” he trailed off.

 

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened to him,” Daisy stated. “I’ve done that before and the guilt will rip you apart. Fitz knew the danger when he went into that building. He never would have asked you to take his place. Even after he wakes up, and he knows the consequences of going into that building… he wouldn’t change it.”

 

Deke looked up at Daisy and she shrugged “He wouldn’t want you hurt in his place,” she finished. “Thank you…” Deke stated trailing off as he looked down at his hands. Daisy leaned her head against the wall and rubbed her eyes. “We will see him soon,” she muttered for her own comfort.

 

“After we see Fitz I think we will leave,” Mack said to the group. “We can let Jemma have some time alone with Fitz. I think taking shifts staying with her will be the best thing. That way she’s not alone and we can rest.” His voice carried through the group and everyone nodded in agreement. 

 

“I’ll stay with her first,” Deke said clearing his throat. All of you guys were just in a battle. You could use the rest. Besides, she’s family.” Mack nodded and glanced at the rest of the group “I think that’s a good idea, director.” Coulson spoke up. The group went silent once again and after a moment the bathroom door opened and Jemma came out.

 

Jemma had never worn anything so relaxing around the team. Even after maveth she was wearing jeans and a comfortable, but a classy shirt. Even when she was around Leo, and it was the two of them, she was either in the day's clothes or pajamas. However, at this moment she was too exhausted to care what she looked like.

 

The reality of things was setting in. Jemma had never been one to give up hope or see things in a negative light, but she couldn’t pretend anymore. The team watched as she dragged her feet back over to them and collapsed down. “I want to see him,” she said quietly and Coulson wrapped an arm around her. 

 

“We know, we will be able to see him soon, you just have to give it a bit more time,” the old shield director promised. The team once again went back to silence due to their exhaustion and worry. It was a few minutes later that the doctor came back to them.

 

“There is a window in his room you can view him from. We have moved a couple of chairs next to the window and have breakfast for you guys there. Follow me when you’re ready,” he had barely finished his sentence when Jemma shot to her feet and followed him.

 

She felt her palms sweating, she remembered when Leo was in his coma and how weak he looked. She wasn’t sure if she could handle seeing him that way again. Mack noticed her shaking and gave her a comforting hug as they walked towards his room.

 

When Jemma approached him her stomach dropped. She thought his coma made him look bad, this was so much worse. She could see bruises on his arms and face, both his wrists were covered in braces, but she was willing to bet that they were just as bruised as his arms.

 

He not only had an IV bag hooked up but also a blood bag to refill what he had lost little. Jemma could see a tube in his nose pumping air into his lungs. Despite the blanket being on him. Jemma could tell he had a brace on his right knee.

 

Jemma placed her hand on the glass watching him for a moment. The team had gathered around to look at the injured engineer. May grabbed Coulson’s hand for a second before turning away and burying herself into Coulson's chest. 

 

She couldn’t look at him without hearing his wavery voice in her mind. Remembering how he pleaded them to not let him die, to take care of Jemma. Coulson wrapped an arm around May knowing what she was thinking. 

 

“He looks worse than I did,” Elena said quietly as she stared at him. Mack hugged her from behind pulling her close. “At least I didn’t have the bruises,” she muttered as Mack held her close.

 

After a minute Jemma turned to the doctor, she was hesitant for a moment before speaking up. “How bad is the damage? W… what's the recovery?” She asked as her eyes stared intently at him. 

 

“Unfortunately I can't tell just anyone that,” he said looking at the group. “His mother is his only immediate family, and he has no listing for any other emergency contact,” he said. “Well… I'm… I'm his wife,” Jemma stammered. 

 

“There are no legal papers that confirm that... I am sorry. It's the law. If his mother comes and permits you, or if he wakes and is coherent and can give you permission then you can hear. But until then I'm sorry.”

 

Jemma wanted to argue but she couldn’t. To her and the team, she was married to Fitz, but legally, Coulson didn’t have the power to marry them. She had no legal right to his medical information. Her hands shook for a minute. “Okay,” she said quietly.

 

“I’ll dispatch a team to her house so she can come to visit him,” Mack stated before walking off to make the call. “I should… I need to call Linda,” Jemma said. “I think it’s best if she hears it from me.” Jemma reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone before seeing the dead battery signal. 

 

_ Of course, _ She thought. She had spent the past few hours looking at photos and videos of her husband, why wouldn’t her phone be dead. “Crap,” she muttered. “Here,” Deke said fishing a phone from his pocket. “It’s Fitz’s. He gave it to me before you guys left… He told me it was to… to call if I didn’t die.”

 

Jemma smiled the best she could at Deke before taking the phone. Even when it was the end of the world, he was still worried about those in his life. “Thank you, I… I think I need to be alone for this call.” Daisy nodded when she spoke and hugged her friend. “Call me if you need anything. We are going to head to base and get you some things for you, and your phone charger.”

Jemma nodded, she was glad the team was leaving. It seemed hard but right now she needed to be alone with Fitz. Even if they were separated by a glass window. “Thank you,” Jemma said as the team left. Jemma glanced down at the phone in her hand before hitting the contacts button and finding ‘mum.’

  
  


**~~~**

 

That morning was a normal one for the older woman as she headed downstairs. She calmly turned on the TV and went to make some tea for her and her new house guest. It was nine in the morning which was later than she usually slept. 

 

The woman turned on the pot of water and glanced over at the news. She saw reports of an alien attack, that was stopped by shield. She saw the footage of an agent fighting the attacker It was a woman wearing a black suit, she had dark hair and was seen shooting the man into space. 

 

It was said that shield would release an official statement in the evening of that day. “What’s happening?” Her guest said coming down the stairs, already dressed for the day. “Looks like the world doesn't hate shield anymore,” she said with a slight proud smile. 

 

She thought back to the day when her son got his letter, inviting him to the academy. They say when shield fell and she received a simple “I’m okay,” from him. The day shield re-emerged from the shadows, and the day it feels once more.

 

She poured herself a cup of tea once the water was ready. “Do you want some?” She asked and the man shook his head. “No, I’m good at the moment,” he said kissing her cheek. The woman smiled before heading over to the table.

 

“I was thinking we should go out for breakfast, we haven’t done that in a while,” she said sitting down on the table. “That sounds nice, we could then go pick up some groceries,” was the response she got as the man sat down opposite of her and grabbed her hands.

 

She was just about to speak again before her cell phone rang. It took her a moment of searching the kitchen to find it. “It's Leopold,” she glanced at the man before answering the phone.

 

“Hey monkey, I just saw the news, I am so relieved to hear from you and know that you’re…” She began before she was cut off. “Linda it's….it's Jemma,” Jemma’s voice cut her off and she froze. Even over the phone, Linda could tell she had been crying. 

 

She slowly sat back down at the table and looked at the television, already her hands were shaking. “Jemma… tell me this isn't /the/ call,” the mother said. Her voice was wavery and tears were filling her eyes as she waited. The lack of the immediate ‘no everything is okay’ was causing her great worry.

 

She heard a few sniffles on the other end of the phone. “Not exactly,” she said trying to calm herself down. “Jemma what happened to my son,” Linda demanded. She tried to keep her voice loving, but she couldn’t help herself from demanding to know. Her hands were trembling as she guest walked over to her to comfort her. 

 

“He um, he was in an accident, you've probably seen the news. He um, he saved a lot of people and… he was in surgery for 10 hours and they … they say that he will probably wake up but he's isolated right now.”

 

Linda took a few deep breaths.”But he’s alive?” There was a deep breath on the other end of the phone call “yeah, but he’s unstable, at least, that’s what the doctor said,” Jemma responded. Linda grabbed the hand of the man next to her and nodded as a tear ran down her cheek.

 

“W..what's his condition?” Linda asked weakly. “They won't tell me. Because you're his only listed family and we aren't legally married,” Jemma mumbled. “But… I… I've talked to the director of shield, and he's sending a team to get you, so you can come to visit,” Jemma continued.

 

“Thank you Jemma, are you okay?” Linda couldn’t help worry about the other woman. It was easier thinking about Jemma than her own heartache. “I am...The agents should be there in about 3 hours,” Jemma said weakly. “I um… I really need you to come here,” Linda heard as Jemma’s voice broke on the other side of the phone.

 

“Jemma, make sure someone is with you, I will let you go so I can pack and get things ready but I promise you I will be there soon. Will you keep me updated?” Linda asked, doing her best to hold it together. 

 

Jemma steadied her breath. “I will.. I..I'll see you soon,” she said before hanging up quickly. Linda knew she wanted off the phone so she could let out a proper cry. Linda was grateful for the quick hang up because once she was off the phone she broke down crying.

 

“I never wanted a call like that again,” she sobbed, “After learning about him in the coma, I never wanted that again,” she said burying her face in her hands as she broke down. “Let me come with you,” the man said holding her close. “I know it may not be the best idea but I want to be there for you,” He said drying her tears. Linda slowly nodded “I would like that,” she said quietly. 

 

**~~~**

 

_ His skin was so cold as she touched his hand, careful to avoid the IV. He had been in a coma for a few days now, and Jemma missed him. She missed telling her what was on her mind and having him give her advice. Although, if he was awake she would as one thing. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” _

 

_ Jemma’s fingers gently grazed the top of his hand, rubbing his fingers made her feel like he would wake up, it felt like they were still connected. She hated how cold she felt. The doctors said it was due to the water of the ocean, and his body conserving energy. But it felt like he was just inches from death. _

 

_ It was a reminder to her that she was the one who could have killed him. Why did she freeze up when he told her that? Why didn’t she force the oxygen into his hand? How could she just give up? Tears slid down her face as she scooted closer to him. Hoping with everything that she had that he would wake up.  _

 

“Jemma,” a voice called snapping her back to the present, which was worse than her memory. She looked around for a moment before catching sight of Deke sound asleep, his head hidden in his hands. She glanced over to the other side and saw Daisy. 

 

“I came to visit, and send him home,” she said gesturing to Deke. The inhuman carefully woke the sleeping man, and once he realized who it was he relaxed a bit. “There is a car waiting for you, go to base and rest. Oh, and take this for ice cream on the way home,” she handed Deke a five dollar bill.

 

He figured he wouldn’t argue with her, and so he took the money, gave Jemma a sleepy kiss on the top of the head before dragging his feet to the elevator. “Let’s hope he doesn’t get lost,” Jemma mumbled softly.

 

“How are you, how is Fitz?” Daisy asked once he was gone. She set the bag down on the empty chair that Deke had been in, before sitting next to Jemma. “Were you able to rest at all?” She added glancing at her friend, who was slightly more put together.

 

After Jemma called Linda, she broke down crying in Deke’s arms, until he fell asleep. But, she woke a few hours later to watch over Fitz. She was feeling more alert after the nap but still looked like a mess. 

 

She hadn’t bothered to fix her hair when she woke, or even tuck in the baggy shirt. However, her posture was less sloppy and she had a calm look on her face. “Fitz is…. He’s the same as before,” Jemma stated. “And if he wasn’t, well legally they don’t have to tell me,” she sighed.

 

Daisy grabbed her hand and squeezed it softly, “And how are  _ you _ ?” The question felt like it was a backpack filled with bricks being forced onto her shoulders. “How do you think?” Jemma’s voice was quiet as she looked at the window.

“Once again I am watching the man I love fight for his life because… because he was trying the save people,” Jemma rubbed her hands together before standing up. Daisy, on the other hand, chose to stay sitting, still achy from her fight with Talbot.

 

“I mean, how many times is he going to be taken from me? It’s like we are cursed!” Jemma spoke while looking at him, asleep in the bed. It had been about five hours, and luckily the blood bag was gone, and he had some color to his cheeks.

 

“Jemma, I know it seems like you guys are cursed, If I believed in curses I would think you were… but would two people who are cursed… Always make it back to each other?” Jemma glanced over at her friend. Her shoulders relaxing a bit as Daisy continued.

 

“You had an alien virus, were saved. Thrown to the bottom of the Atlantic, and he wakes up. Dragged to an alien planet and yet you returned home. Virtual realities? You beat those. Time travel? Oh, you conquered that, and now have a 30-year-old grandson… The way I see it is he will wake up, and he will be okay. Because he would never leave you.” 

 

Jemma dried a small tear from her cheek. “What… what was… in that building when you got there…” Jemma couldn’t finish her thought but she didn’t need to. “Jemma, you don’t want me to tell you what it was like watching him die,” Daisy responded. “It was… one of the hardest things I have ever done… Mack took three showed back at base because he still felt like  Fitz’s blood was on his hands.”

 

Jemma shuttered a bit, Daisy was right. If she wanted to know what it was like in that room she would ask Fitz when he woke. She would ask him if he was okay. Jemma pressed her eyes shut for a moment.

 

“I want you to know that… Fitz never wanted to hurt you,” Jemma said quietly. “Jemma, let’s not talk about that,” Daisy responded quickly. “Daisy, I know you, you’re going to pretend everything is fixed now because we almost lost him, and still might and you’re going to try and be the bigger person…”

 

“But I’m not!” Daisy interrupted tears filling her eyes. “I was so mad at him for what he did… I watched him in his cell and I… a part of me wanted him to know what it was like,” she said her voice breaking. 

 

“I wanted him to know what it was like to be pinned down against your will, as excruciating pain filled his body… like what he did to me… and then it happened.” Daisy was struggling to breathe now, and Jemma couldn’t help her expression of shock. “He was… lying there, unable to move, bleeding out… and begging us not to let him die… and I had asked for it… Jemma I wanted it to happen.”

 

The woman was now full on sobbing as she got out her story, guilt having been consuming her for the last 15 hours. “You didn’t want it to happen,” Jemma said walking over. Daisy glanced up at her. “If you really wanted him to be hurt, you wouldn’t be feeling this way now… It’s… It’s how Fitz felt after he removed the inhibitor… He felt guilty, he hated himself, and he was terrified.”

 

“A part of me is still so mad at him, and another part of me… Doesn’t want to be,” Daisy said. Jemma nodded at her “That’s what it’s like having siblings,” she said smiling. However, her smile faded as she glanced back at Fitz. “I can’t lose him,” she muttered. 

 

Daisy nodded and followed the woman's gaze to Fitz. “He’s got to be okay, I have to much to tell him,” she said as she finished wiping her eyes. “We both do,” Jemma said taking a deep breath. “I’m not going to leave you Jemma, I know things have been… tense but I am still here for you,” Daisy said.

 

“I know Daisy,” Jemma said turning to face her. Jemma’s eye caught sight of Linda, being lead over by a nurse. “Linda you’re here!” Jemma said running over and embracing her. “I am so relieved to see you,” she said letting out a soft exhale.

 

“Fitz…” Jemma shook her head remembering who she was talking to “Leo’s over here, the doctor will be here soon,” Jemma rambled focusing on her mother in law. It was easier than thinking about Fitz. She could give information.

 

Daisy was the first one to noticed the man standing next to Linda and she tensed up. “Jemma,” she said. However, Jemma didn’t hear her and continued talking to Linda. “The doctor has been checking on him every 30 minutes, not his surgeon, but the other doctor….”  _ “Jemma” _ “...he had a blood bag for the first few hours, but not anymore because he has a safe amount in his body…”  _ “Jemma”  _ “...but I am pretty sure that..”

 

“Jemma!” Daisy said loud enough to pull Jemma away from her filling Linda in. “What is it?” Jemma said looking back at Daisy. Daisy allowed her eyes to dart towards the man and Jemma followed her, glancing over to the man.

 

When she saw him she wanted to vomit, no emotions were written on his face. His was dressed like he was going to a business interview and he didn’t seem to have cared at all what Jemma had been saying about Fitz. 

 

“Linda… Why is  _ he  _ here?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah that was emotional xD sorry about that. When I was writing this chapter I had 2 main plots. Jemma calling Linda, and Linda arriving. I didn't plan on writing about Deke losing people, it just kinda flowed with the text. I also wasn't planning on referencing 5x14 but I wanted to have that covered so when/if the team visits Fitz it will be a bit less tense between Fitz and Daisy (maybe, I may change my mind)  
> Also, I am not sure if you guys know who the guest Linda has is, but if you do comment who you think! Also if you have any overall ideas/thoughts about the chapters ahead comment below. I may choose to add it and dedicate a chapter to you :)  
> I am on spring break so I am hoping to have chapter 3 finished soon. But if not, soon, please enjoy this!!!


	3. He won't ever let it show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma confronts Linda about her new guest, and Daisy steps in to defend her friend. Jemma and Linda also learn about Leo's condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am adding this here as a just in case. I don't go into detail but I hint at Fitz's childhood like I said it's not detailed or anything, but if you think that will upset you just read with caution <3

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Aʟʟ ʜɪs ʟɪꜰᴇ ʜᴇ's ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴛᴏʟᴅ  
Hᴇ’ʟʟ ʙᴇ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʜᴇ’s ᴏʟᴅ  
Aʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪᴄᴋs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʟᴏᴡs  
Hᴇ ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟᴇᴛ ɪᴛ sʜᴏᴡ

―――――――――――――――――――――――

 

Linda glanced between her ex-husband and Jemma, trying to think of the best way to explain the situation. Linda knew that Jemma was fully aware of the kind of father Alistair had been to her son and that she was far from being a fan of his.  “Jemma, I will explain everything…” She began to say before Jemma cut her off. 

 

“No, you know what… I don’t care about Alistair, I don’t care.” Jemma stated shooting him a harsh glance. He seemed completely unphased and it made her sick. At least in the framework, she got to shoot him in with a gun. “I don’t care why he is here, because chances are you two are back together, but I will let you know that man will go nowhere near Leopold’s room.”

 

Linda gave Jemma a soft expression. “Jemma, I know you’re emotional right now, believe me, I am too. But…” once again the older woman was cut off. “No!” There were tears in Jemma’s eyes as she spoke. “He has been through enough Linda, and the last thing he needs is to have to fight back. So I am fighting for him, that piece of garbage does nowhere near Fitz or I will have him arrested.”

 

Neither Daisy nor Linda could tell where Jemma’s anger was really placed. They both knew she hated Alistair, but couldn’t tell if that was who she was mad at, or Linda. But Daisy was willing to bet she was mad at both of his parents, so she stepped forward and softly touched Jemma’s shoulders. 

 

“Just keep him away from Leopold,” Jemma muttered turning and walking back over to the window where she could watch Fitz. Daisy could see the hurt written across Linda’s face. 6 hours ago the woman's life was tea and breakfast, and now she was at a hospital because her son was in the process of fighting for his life.

 

A part of Daisy was worried Fitz would decide not to fight. She couldn’t blame him of course. Ever since he was born he had to fight. Fighting his father, fighting his own mind, fighting as a shield agent, fighting for… for the people he loved. That’s why he was in the hospital. Because after everything Mack and Daisy had said to him, he still risked his life to fight for them.

 

Daisy shuttered slightly snapping herself back into reality. She watched as Linda made her way over towards the window where she could see Fitz. Daisy caught Alistair's arm before he could follow. “You heard Jemma, you aren’t to go anywhere near him.”

 

Alistair pulled his hand from hers and nodded. “Very well,” he started going to sit down. Daisy could tell he would have fought back but he was putting on good behavior for Linda. Which only made Daisy want the doctor to call them back to talk as soon as possible.

 

Linda walked up to the window and her heart broke when she saw her son. He was pale and weak. She had never seen him so vulnerable before. Even when he was a young boy and was at the hospital from a broken arm. He always seemed to have a fire inside of him, but now? It was gone. 

 

Linda didn’t want to think about how injured her son was, she couldn’t. So she turned to look at Jemma. Who was even more broken than she had been earlier that day. The hope she had when Linda agreed to come, had been replaced by the heartache of seeing Fitz’s Father

 

“Jemma, I know you are mad at me,” Linda said forcing her eyes away from Leo and at Jemma. Jemma didn’t want to answer as she shifted her feet ever so slightly. She used her hand to dry her cheeks before turning to Linda. 

 

“Abused, berated, abandoned, loneliness, depression, anxiety, self-hatred, guilt, oh and brain damage, PTSD, psychotic breakdowns, split personality disorder, schizophrenia, and I am sure I am forgetting some things,” Jemma stated.

 

“What are…” Linda began. “Oh, a list of things your son has to deal with, at least before this accident, which who knows what that’ll do,” Jemma stated. “All of that, in one person, and now, when he wakes up he’s going to be in a lot of pain, and he’s going to see the two women he trusts most by his bedside… and he will be /so/ happy.”

 

Jemma took a deep breath. “And then, he’s going to hear you say that you are dating his father again, and worse, he’s here and he knows where your son is. So no, I’m not mad at you. I am just surprised that I seem to be the only person in the world who is putting his needs into consideration.”

 

Linda was completely taken aback by Jemma’s words. “Jemma…” she said. “I care about my son, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. Leopold is my entire world,” the mother pleaded. “And because of the man you brought with you, I, his wife, can’t call him by his first name. Because every memory he has with his own name… was so horrible he refuses to be called Leopold.”

 

Jemma shook her head slightly. “You may have had to pick up the broken pieces of his heart after Alistair left, but I have had to pick up those broken pieces since he was 16, and I will continue to protect his heart as long as I need to. Even if I have to protect it from you.”

 

Linda didn’t respond at first. Instead, she looked back at her son. “I know Alistair coming with me was a bad idea. But I didn’t want to get a phone call on the flight telling me he had died and been all alone, call me selfish for getting back with him and bringing him… But I just didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be with a person I love,”

 

More tears gathered in Jemma’s eyes. “And the person I love is…. He’s,” the mother looked over at Jemma. “I know,” she said as tears fell from her own eyes. Despite being upset at Linda, Jemma stepped closer to her and embraced her.

 

A lot of the love and warmth Fitz has had come from his mother. Even though Jemma had yelled at her the woman didn’t hesitate to pull her close and comfort her. “If there is one thing I know about my son,” Linda said pulling back to cup Jemma’s face in her hands. “It’s that he isn’t like his father, he is not going to leave you. He’s going to hang on for you.”

 

Jemma barely managed to nod and Linda carefully hugged her shoulder. “We should sit down until the doctor calls us back there,” Linda said. She guided Jemma, who could barely stand now, over to the chairs. Linda made sure both of them could see Fitz as the sat down.

 

Jemma and Linda had met years ago and Linda had become a mother figure to Jemma. So, the young scientist felt comfortable relaxing against Linda’s shoulder. Linda softly rubbed Jemma’s back as they both watched Fitz. As if waiting for him to sit up, stretch, and leave the room asking why they were crying.

 

Linda looked down at Jemma before spotting her diamond ring and sitting up slightly, which caused Jemma to sit up as well. “Did he purpose?” Linda asked smiling for the first time since she got the call about her son.

 

“Um, yes, sorta… like anything it’s weirdly complicated,” Jemma said laughing softly. Daisy looked over at the two. “It’s not complicated, you two figured getting engaged took precedence over escaping an alien prison,” Daisy teased walking over to them. They seemed to have sorted out, or come to terms with Alistair being there and Daisy felt less awkward about talking with them. 

 

Linda looked between the two, mildly confused. “Okay so it is complicated,” Daisy shrugged. “What did he say?” Linda asked. “I need all the details,” she said squeezing Jemma’s hand. “Well, as I said, it’s complicated, so I didn’t hear what he said. And then when I could talk, I told him to marry me,” Jemma smiled fondly.

 

It was as if talking about it brought back all the feelings of that moment. She remembered the way the taste of his lips lingered on hers as he tugged at the brown leather jacket. Forcing his attention back to her. The way he said “absolutely” with such ease.

 

Jemma forced herself to come back to the present moment and she glanced over at Daisy and Linda and smiled. “The proposal doesn’t matter, what mattered was finally saying I do,” Jemma said softly. 

 

“Wait did you guys actually get married?” Linda asked. Of course, she was happy, but also slightly upset knowing he wasn’t there. “Oh my gosh, Linda I … I completely forgot to tell you, things were so busy and it was just a small ceremony. Our boss married us,” she said with a slight laugh.

 

“Mack caught it all on video, I’ll have him send it to us so you can watch,” Daisy told Linda. “I just thought I’d be there when he got married,” Linda admitted. “Well, technically it wasn’t legal, hence then not telling me anything about his condition. But if you can convince Leo to wear a kilt we will have a second ceremony,” Jemma laughed slightly glancing over at Fitz in the hospital bed. 

 

All three women were pulled from their conversation when the nurse came over. “Linda Fitz, the doctor is in his office if you’d like to follow me,” her voice was soft and gentle. Linda nodded before looking at Jemma “Let’s go,” she said helping Jemma stand and the two walked off. 

  
  


**~~~**

 

_ Leo was sitting at his desk chair in his dorm room, which was a complete mess. But when you are trying to be the youngest shield graduate in all of shields history, you tend to be more concerned about your homework than your laundry. Unless of course, you were Jemma. _

 

_ “I’m just saying there is no need for you to be a slob Fitz,” She said gathering up his clothes to throw them into a hamper. Leo let out a sigh and glanced over at her, about to make a smart alec comment about it. But he jumped to his feet and snatched his boxers from her hands.  _

 

_ “You don’t have to clean my room,” he said hiding them behind his back and turning a bit red. “Well, I wouldn’t have to if you did it yourself. And don’t be so embarrassed, seeing boxers isn’t the worse thing I could see.” Jemma was often less embarrassed by things that Fitz was.  _

 

_ He smiled awkwardly before tossing them into the pile she had made in the corner of his room. “What are you working on?” Jemma asked once all the clothes had been gathered and she had a clean spot on his bed to sit.  _

 

_ “Just some of the homework from Dr. Hall’s class,” he said sitting back down, his cheeks no longer bright red. “It’s a wonderful class isn’t it,” she said excitedly. Leo laughed a bit at her excitement. “Yeah it is,” he said half-heartedly.  _

 

_ “What are you not telling me, Fitz, you don’t seem to love any of these classes,” she sighed. “And I know people from operations had come to talk to the students who may switch academies… are you wanting to leave?” She was more nervous to ask the question than she thought.  _

 

_ “Me? At operations, are you kidding? Look at me,” he said with a shrug. “I am, and you could make it if that’s what you want,” she mumbled. “Jemma I’m not going to operations, /ever./ I don’t ever want to do fieldwork. I mean, going to work one day and not knowing if you’ll come home to the people you care about,” he said. _

 

_ “Then why don’t you seem to love these classes?” Jemma asked relaxing on the bed as Fitz moved to sit next to her. “I just hate the constant feeling like I have to prove how smart I am to people,” he shrugged. “Who do you have to prove your brilliance to?” Jemma asked. _

 

_ Leo looked away for a moment, almost worried his answer would hurt her. “You,” he said looking back over at her. She sat up a bit more in shock. “Me? Fitz you don’t have to prove anything to me,” she said quickly. She went to touch his cheek softly but he stood up before she could. _

 

_ “But I do, Jemma you and I are going to graduate in a few months, and then we go to a lab where we have supervising officers, and then after that we go to a final lab in a shield while we spend the rest of our career, and I want you to think I’m smart so that…” _

 

_ “Fitz I already told the academy that when we leave I want you as my lab partner, I told them a month after I met you,” she said and he glanced back at her in shock. “Fitz, from the day I started this academy I knew how smart you were. Everyone here does. You are the smartest person here… besides me.” _

 

_ Leo shrugged a bit and Jemma frowned. “Why don’t you believe me? You never seem to hear me when I say you’re brilliant, why is that?” Leo swallowed and sat back down next to her. “Do you /really/ want to know?” He seemed to go from an upbeat silly mood and more into a serious and calm one.  _

 

_ “I really want to know Fitz, you’re my best friend and you can trust me,” Jemma’s hand rested on his knee as she gave him a gentle nod. Leo looked down at his hands before sighing. He trusted her. He could tell her anything. _

 

_ “I just… growing up… my dad didn’t really make it easy for me to learn. Or… he didn’t think I could,” he said not making eye contact. Jemma tilted her head not quite understanding what he was trying to tell her. _

 

_ “My dad didn’t like to think… he didn’t think I was smart, and he liked to make a point to tell me that,” Leo said finally looking at her. “If I didn’t get a 100% on a test he would… he’d call me stupid and…” Leo trailed off and Jemma softly squeezed his hand. _

 

_ Leo took a deep breath before deciding to open up more, he didn’t plan on letting out everything he heard, or why he was always so hard on himself, but the more he talked the harder it was to stop. He teared up and Jemma pulled him into a tight hug as he told her /everything/ about his father. _

 

**~~~**

 

When Linda and Jemma walked off Daisy decided to stay with Fitz, but Alistair didn’t have the same plan as Daisy. He got up and got ready to follow Jemma and Linda. Only the inhuman was quicker than he was.

 

Daisy shot to her feet and stepped in front of him, using her hand to stop him from walking. “What are you doing?” He asked. His voice was deep and gravelly. “Where are you going?” Daisy asked tilting her head.

 

“I’m going to speak to my son's doctor about his condition,” Alistair responded pushing her hand away. “And what makes you think you have any right to be in that room?” Daisy said, not bothering her hide the annoyance and hate in her voice. 

 

“I know how you treated your son, and from what I gathered you never cared before so why start now? Unless you’re trying to convince your ex-wife that you’re now this super caring parent. Well, you’re not. Jemma and I can see right through this game you are playing.”

 

Daisy gave him a light shove, not wanting him to stand so close to her. “Don’t be foolish, girl,” Alistair said and Daisy raised an eyebrow, “Is that supposed to scare me?” Daisy responded. “Because it doesn’t,” she added.

 

Daisy wasn’t sure if it was the new serum coursing through her, or her emotions that made her want to slam Alistair into the hospital wall, threaten him, and then shove him out the front door. “You don’t know what I am capable of,” he answered sizing her up.

 

“Yeah well from what I’ve heard I have a pretty good idea. You’re a coward and a bully. You use your size to make people bend to what you’re saying, well that won’t work on me. I could take you down without moving before you could even register what was happening,” Daisy stated, not backing down.

 

Alistair wasn’t sure how to respond to Daisy, but he didn’t like her. “As Jemma said, you are going to stay away from Fitz, unless he wakes and says otherwise, you won’t ever talk to your son. And if you want to try and test me, well, I’ll enjoy giving you a taste of your own medicine.”

 

“Who do you think you are,” Alistair asked bitterly. “I’m quake,” she said without a moment's hesitation. The name seemed to be recognized by Fitz’s father. “The famous inhuman,” he said with a slight laugh. “I never pictured my son…”

 

Daisy reached her hand out “If you say one negative thing about him I will quake you into the wall and make you glad you’re in a hospital,” Daisy warned instinctively. Alistair silenced himself and nodded. “Let Linda know I am checking us into a hotel,” he said before walking off. 

 

Daisy relaxed once he was gone and she walked over to the window where she leaned in a little. “I know… I know things with us aren't… fixed, or… or even relatively okay, but I want you to know I’m going to protect you okay? You’re my brother and I won’t let anything hurt you anymore.”

 

Daisy placed her hand on the window, wishing he was awake, wishing he was just asleep, instead of too weak to open his eyes. “You’ve got to be okay Fitz, there is so, so much I have to tell you,” she said with a slightly nervous laugh.

 

Daisy watched him for a moment before sitting down and biting her lip. “How bad is it really?” She scanned him as she sat there, trying to piece together in her mind anything she could about his condition. 

 

**~~~**

 

Jemma couldn’t lie and pretend that the idea of learning just how bad Leo’s injuries were, was something that was an easy task. As much as she wanted to know, a part of her wanted to pretend he was just napping. He had a building come crashing down on him, and Jemma was willing to bet there were a lot more injuries she couldn’t see.

 

Both Linda and Jemma sat down across from the doctor who had operated of Fitz. Luckily, with Linda there, and giving Jemma permission she was able to legally have this information. She gripped Linda’s hand as the doctor pulled out the file. 

 

His office was overlooking the city, and Jemma could see a part of Talbot’s ship in the distance. Mack was probably working with a cleanup crew to remove the space ship and fix all the damage that was caused. Jemma pulled her attention back to the doctor, trying to put the previous day out of her mind. 

 

“I’m not going to lie to you, or sugar coat his condition. It’s pretty bad,” the doctor stated. “Him being alive is honestly a surprise to everyone who was in surgery with him.” Each sentence was like a needle in Jemma’s heart.

 

“During the surgery, our only goal was the gash in his side, a few of his internal organs were damaged, but we were able to take care of all of that. It’s still going to be extremely sore, but we were able to repair all of that damage. It just needs time to heal.”

 

“I would have liked to have continued to work more on it, but he did have severe blood loss and opening him up to take care of other injuries, due to the blood loss he has a weaker immune system, but by tomorrow morning he should be out of isolation,” the doctor explained.

 

“Here are the x-rays of his left leg. As you can see he has a fractured kneecap, along with his tibia and fibula bones. We were not wanting to risk surgery with those yet, due to how much trauma his body has gone through, after about 3 or 44 days when he is stronger we will get him into surgery for those.”

 

“His right leg was in a lot better condition, a small fracture in his ankle, and the obvious swelling, but we have it in a cast and in a few days we will evaluate if it needs surgery, his left leg is in a temporary cast until after surgery.” the doctor said handing the two women the x-rays, so they could see the damage for themselves. Jemma shuttered thinking about Fitz being in this much pain.

 

The doctor moved a few papers around before he continued. “His hands also had severe bruising and fraction in them, which is why he has the braces. He has two hairline fractures one in his middle phalanx and one in his and one in his proximal phalanx.” 

 

Jemma bites her lip as she listened. “He has a nondisplaced fracture of the first metatarsal bone and then a fracture in his radius bone… and that’s just his right hand…  It will probably be really painful for him to use them for the first month or so, and even then… his hands may not return to the same strength they had before.”

 

Jemma took in a deep breath “but he… he’s an engineer, that’s his job, working with hands to make things,” she said as Linda looked down, hearing just how injured he was was painful for both of them. 

 

“Obviously we won’t know the long term effects this will have until the first few weeks pass, but it may be time for him to retire or find a new job,” the doctor admitted. Linda glanced over at Jemma and watched as a tear slipped down her face.

 

“Why do I get the gut-wrenching feeling you still have more to share,” Linda said speaking up. The doctor gave the two a sad smile. “We received his medical records and when we did we took a scan of his brain, and obviously we can’t know till he wakes up, but it doesn’t look like them impact affected his precious brain injury.”

 

The words caused Jemma to let out an exhale of relief. The last thing he needed was more brain trauma. “It wouldn’t surprise me if he was suffering from a few of the side effects he had last time, but I am confident that after a few days when his mind has fully processed what happens, those will slowly fade as they did before,” he gave the two women a gentle nod.

 

“As you probably saw his body had a lot of cuts and bruises, but other than cleaning them and making sure they don’t get infected, those should heal within the first two weeks,” the doctor added before his positive outlook changed.

 

“Wh...what else,” Jemma whispered. She was terrified the doctor would state that he had fallen into another coma. “Well, there are two main concerns we have. The first is his lungs, they were crushed and he inhales a lot of dirt, so I am worried that he will struggle with breathing, and often cough a lot.”

 

“Not this is a worry, but I am hoping with medical attention he won’t deal with any real loss of lung capacity. I am positive this won’t be a life altering thing, just a struggle for a few days,” he said being as honest as he could with her. 

 

“And the second main concern?” Linda asked. “On impact, his t4 and t5 spinal cord were damaged…” the doctor said and Jemma went pale. “What does… what does that mean?” Linda asked seeing that Jemma understood. 

 

“It means that he won’t be able to walk ever again and that the damage extent won’t be known until he wakes up,” Jemma muttered. “It means he’s… he’s been diagnosed with paraplegia,” Jemma whispered as a tear fell off her cheek.

 

“I am truly sorry,” the doctor said. His voice was genuine and sincere. “Even if he had been brought in sooner, there was nothing we could do for him. His spine was broken the moment he was buried under the concrete, between the positions of his back and legs… I am so sorry.”

 

Jemma glanced around the office, taking in the site of the medical books and few diagrams. She felt out of it. Like she was in the room, but not really there. How could this be happening to him? Didn’t he have enough struggles to deal with? Now he would wake up and learn he couldn’t walk ever again?

 

Jemma’s lip quivered as she looked back at the doctor. “T..thank you, for doing what you could,” she said before quickly leaving the room. She couldn’t stay in there with the doctors, even being around Linda was too much. 

 

She made her way down the hallway, wiping off her tears as she left the building. They were cursed. Fitz was right when he said that so long ago. The two of them had been cursed by the universe, and he was always the one getting hurt. 

 

Daisy spotted Jemma coming down the hall and stood up, she could see the tears running down Jemma’s face. “I can’t,” Jemma gasped, having a hard time breathing. Daisy ran over to meet her embracing her friend tightly. 

 

“I can’t keep doing this,” Jemma managed to cry out. “I can’t keep losing him, or… or seeing him like this, I can’t,” Jemma cried. Her voice was shaking and Daisy could barely hear her. “He doesn’t deserve this, h...he’s a good person he shouldn’t...s...shouldn’t,” Jemma was sobbing uncontrollably now. 

 

Daisy was at a loss for words as she held Jemma in her arms. What was she supposed to say? She couldn’t tell her things would be fine because apparently, the doctor was clear that it wouldn’t be okay. “Why is always getting hurt?” Jemma said with a shaky breath.

 

“He’s the one who is in the coma, he’s the one who gets brain damage, he’s the one with the psychic split and now… Daisy I can’t keep seeing him like this,” Jemma said as her breathing returned to somewhat normal levels. 

 

“We… we won’t let this happen again okay? We won’t let him get hurt again. I /promise/.” Daisy said giving Jemma’s arm a gentle squeeze. “We can’t,” she added looking back over at Fitz. 

 

“I just wa..want him to hold me, to wrap his arms around me, and softly brush through my hair… tell me that things will work out or… or give me some big romantic speech about how nothing matters as long as we are together,” Jemma said slowly pulling away from Daisy and looking her in the eyes. 

 

“I need him back,” she said and Daisy nodded. “I know, and… and he’s going to wake up, and hold you, and tell you it’ll be okay,” Daisy said softly. She did her best to hold it together for Jemma’s sake. “Tomorrow you should be able to go and sit with him,” Daisy added. “I think that will help both of you.”

 

Jemma glanced over at her best friend, tears were still running down her face but at least she felt less alone. “I know...I know it’s a lot to ask but..” Jemma began. “I’m going to stay until you can go into that room and sit with him, I’m not gonna leave your side,” Daisy finished. 

 

Linda’s footsteps were heard approaching and Jemma turned around. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have run off,” Jemma muttered and Linda shook her head. She had been crying but not nearly as much as Jemma. “You have every right to break down,” Linda said softly. 

 

“I’ll feel better when he wakes up,” Jemma admitted going to sit down. “Just promise me one thing Jemma, don’t be so focused on making sure he’s okay and being strong for him, that you refuse to let yourself be upset,” Linda said gently.

 

Jemma nodded glancing over at Fitz who was still asleep. “I promise,” she said controlling her breathing. “I’ll make sure I’ll come to you when I need to cry,” Jemma said as Linda gripped onto her hand. 

 

“It’s going to be hard, but he’s going to make it through this, he won’t give up,” Linda said and Jemma nodded. “He can’t give up,” Jemma added. “It’s not in his nature,” Daisy chimed in and Jemma smiled at her, mouthing a ‘thank you.’

 

“I do think you should try to sleep Jemma, you only slept for like two hours,” Daisy said and Jemma surprisingly nodded. “I’ll get a nurse to bring you a blanket, and you can fall asleep in the chair,” Linda said walking off.

 

“How bad is it?” Daisy asked. Jemma bites her lip before looking at Daisy. “When Fitz was in his coma, the whole team knew about his injuries before he did… This time, I think it turns to decide what people know,” Jemma answered. 

 

“So it’s… bad,” Daisy said, her shoulders singing. “It’s going to be at first, but… maybe one day it’ll be better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I /tried/ to make the explanation of his injured sound medically, and I have done a lot of research to try and make sure it's accurate, but if it's not I am SO sorry. I am not a doctor. I will say I did have a specific reason for choosing the t4 and t5 that will be explained later.  
> I wanted to post this update during spring break but I went to WonderCon (check my Instagram shieldfansunite if you want to read about that) and made my own shirt which took a lot longer than I thought it would, so I had no time to write. Then, when I started writing it was just super hard to get the characters right and the flow to work. So this isn't my best chapter but it is kinda a filler chapter. The next one should have Fitz waking up!  
> Don't forget to leave your thoughts! feedback makes writing easier!  
> Also, IDK how many people noticed but the beginning of each chapter has song lyrics, so if you have songs I could use or should check out and consider for future chapters.   
> (Legit, please leave songs, I know like none xD)


	4. A Little Unsteady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo wakes after the accident and is able to learn about what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys will probably be like really? BUT this chapter is actually the shortest so far. Only by like 100 words. But I felt adding any more would be a stretch. Fitz waking up gave me the opportunity to do quite a lot of fun things as a writer. I am so happy he's finally awake and the story can begin to shirt into his POV. This is also the first chapter without a flashback. The original plan was to flashback to his coma, but I am going to save flashbacks for another chapter. Since this chapter in my mind as a writer had a lot in it. anyways let me know what you think

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Hᴏʟᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ  
'Cᴀᴜsᴇ I'ᴍ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴜɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅʏ  
A ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴜɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅʏ

―――――――――――――――――――――――

 

There was a small humming sound, that every once in a while would beep. There was a distant sound of talking and the steady sound of an air conditioner. It was all too confusing. None of the sounds were familiar, or the ones he should be hearing.

 

He should be hearing police sirens, the sound of a creaking building. People screaming in the distance as they ran in fear. He should be hearing Mack and May’s voice… or was it Daisy’s that he should be hearing. She was there as well right?

 

After hearing these strange noises for some time, he managed to get enough energy to force open his eyelids. But, that left just as many questions. His vision was unfocused and there were bright lights everywhere. 

 

Where was he? He should be in that building, it should be darker. Grey walls, instead of there bright white ones, it should be dirty and messy, not so sterile. It took most of his effort to force his vision into focus.

 

Once he could properly see, his eyes spotted an empty chair sat next to his, what seemed to be, hospital bed. There was a book, or magazine on the chair, meaning someone had been there. His eyes moved over catching sight of his arm.

 

It was covered in dark bruises and small cuts and had a wrist brace tightly wrapped around it. He took a deep breath as his body began to recognize how much pain he was in. he looked around the room again, why wasn’t she here?

 

She was always there when he needed her o calm him down. He coughed slightly, which sent a shock of pain through his chest and abdomen. After that, the anxiety kicked in. He was alone, with no idea what was happening, in immense pain.

 

The beeping began to pick up which startled him even more, he couldn’t move, all he could do was let the tears run down the side of his face. He wanted someone he knew to be there, someone to tell him what had happened to him.

 

The beeping got louder as his breathing got heavier, eventually, the beeping caused a few nurses to enter the room to check on him. “Sir, sir we need you to calm down okay?” The first nurse spoke as she walked over to him. She had a new yorkers accent and a gentle smile.

 

“Your wife will be back soon, she just went to grab something to eat,” the other woman stated and she checked his vitals. “It’s good to finally see you awake Leopold,” the new yorker said. “My name is Amber.”

 

Leo calmed down ever so slightly at the calm gentleness of Amber. She moved the book off the chair and sat down, while the other woman left the room. The beeping of the heart monitor slowing down. “I know you’re probably in a lot of pain, but you’re going to be okay.”

 

Amber checked Leo’s ivy while sitting down, before looking back at him. “You have a lot of people who have been worried about you,” she said softly. Leo nodded slightly as he listened to her. 

 

“Why is… Why can’t I m..move that much,” he complained as he slowly twitched his fingers, only to realize that hurt. Amber gave him a warm smile. “Well, your body had a lot of trauma, and the blood loss, so it has to calibrate thing. It’s also why you probably only have pain in your wrists because your eyes saw the bruising and said ‘that hurts.” 

 

Leo listened to what she said and he nodded, she was probably right. His body needed time. “Once your body wakes up, you will, unfortunately, feel more pain. But with some time that will go away,” the calm and positiveness in her voice were enough to give Leo a little bit of hope.

 

“I don’t have access to your full medical file but I can probably call the doctor in right now to talk with you,” she offered. Leo shook his head no. “I can um… I want to wait… till Jemma is… is here,” he said quietly. 

 

Amber nodded, before standing up. “I completely understand. I have to get back to work but she should be here soon, she will be thrilled to see that you are awake, will you be okay alone for a few minutes?”

 

Leo nodded “I’ll… yeah, I’ll be okay,” he said letting out a slight exhale and relaxing more into the pillow. He was exhausted and wanted to go back to sleep, but at the same time, he really missed Jemma.

 

Leo waited until the nurse left before letting out a whimper of pain. His hands were aching, and bad. Leo looked up at the roof before his eyes played tricks on him. He could have sworn it started caving in but one he shook his head slightly, the ceiling was back to being perfect.

 

_ “Well, now you’re seeing things again.” _ The voice in his head mused. Leo pressed his eyes shut and swallowed. Couldn’t he get a few moments without the doctor in his head?  _ “What do you think the nurse wasn’t telling you? Because if she is your nurse, she did have access to your file but she didn’t tell you.” _

 

Leo did his best to ignore the voice in his head.  _ “Think about it Fitz,’  _ the way the doctor said his name made his stomach twist.  _ “C’mon, we have the same brain, you may be weak, but you aren’t stupid enough to believe that. She knows what’s wrong, but she didn’t want to tell you.” _

 

“Go away,” Leo whispered.  _ “Your hands, are /throbbing/ and when you coughed your entire chest burned… What feels nothing?” _ Leo shook his head slightly trying to process what the doctor was saying. 

 

“I’m… I’m not going...going to tr..trust you,” he said coughing a little bit as more pain through his side.  _ You can’t deny that you felt that. Every part of your body is tight but /what/?”  _ Leo didn’t want to believe anything the doctor was saying, but there was some truth in it. What wasn’t hurting?

 

“Oh my gosh, you’re awake,” there it was, the beautiful and soft British accent of the woman he loved. Leo looked over at Jemma and felt the corner of his mouth pull into a smile. More tears ran down his face, only out of relief. 

 

“Hi,” he mumbled and Jemma rushed over and collapsed in the chair next to him. “Oh gosh, you’re okay,” she said as her own tears or relief ran down her face. She went to touch his hand before hesitating and pulling her hand back. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him. 

 

“H.. how long have you been awake? Did anyone tell you what happened, of gosh you were probably so afraid, I should have been there…” Jemma said. She was rambling due to her over heightened emotions. 

 

“Shhshh,” Leo mumbled and Jemma nodded. “Right, let you answer,” Jemma said softly and he nodded. “One, hold my...my hand, but soft…” he was glad that at least this hospital stay he could at least somewhat talk. 

 

“I just… I just woke, and the um… nurse, she told me you’d...you’d be back, then I was okay,” he mumbled and Jemma smiled slightly. She reached over and carefully grabbed his hand. She felt a few tears building up before standing up and softly kissing him.

 

Usually, his lips were soft against hers, and his arms would wrap about her waist as she gently touched his face. But this time, her hands were holding the edge of the bed, to afraid to touch the large bruise on his face, his hands were weakly resting at his side, and Jemma could feel the numerous cuts on his lips against her own.

 

Jemma slowly pulled away and sat back down. She could see a slight hint of pain on his face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I just…” Jemma trailed off and Leo smiled slightly. “It was worth it,” he stated slowly. 

 

Jemma softly played with his hair as she looked at him. “You probably have a lot of questions,” she said soothingly, and he nodded. “How did, I remember what h..happened,” he stammered. “But how did… how did I get from… from the building to… to here?”

 

Jemma took a deep breath. “I honestly don’t know all the details, all I know is Daisy and May kept you alive, you passed out right before medics got there and they took you straight to the hospital where you went into surgery.”

 

Leo nodded ever so slightly before wincing, his back was killing him. “How long?” He glanced back up at the ceiling. “Honestly, I lost track after the fifth hour,” she admitted. “And… how long have I been… out?” He asked.

 

“You were in isolation for the first 24 hours, then moved into this room where you've been the past 2 days,” Jemma answered. “It's been three days of well-needed rest for you,” she stated. Leo frowned slightly, trying to get the energy to continue asking questions.

 

“I know you're going to ask what happened while you were asleep huh?” She soothed, almost reading his mind. Leo nodded glancing back over at her. “Well, Daisy, Elena, and Deke have been taking turns sitting with me so I'm not alone. Mack has been clearing up the mess and working with Coulson to learn what being a director means,” she informed.

 

Leo listened to her swallowing. He wanted to know more about Talbot, but the fact the earth wasn’t shattered apart was enough of an answer to know they had won. He glanced over wanting Jemma to continue. “May and I were able to come up with a temporary solution to save Coulson's life. Once your back on your… once you're healed up I'm going to to try and find something permanent.” 

 

_ “What was she going to say? Why did she stop from saying back on your feet, c'mon Fitz /think/,”  _ the doctor shouted in his mind. Leo shuttered slightly trying to ignore him. But he couldn't deny it was odd.

 

“And, your mum is here,” she said and Leo smiled a bit. “She...she is?” He asked slightly shocked, deciding it would be best to try and ignore himself.  “Yeah, well, right now she's back at the hotel. She was here all night, the team forced me to go to the base, shower, and sleep so she stayed with you. I'll text her that you're awake if you want,” she offered.

 

“Yeah, yeah I'd like that…. Um.. very much,” he answered gazing at Jemma. “How long of a…. r... recovery will I have? What's the… the damage?” Leo wasn't expecting Jemma to look down when he asked that. 

 

_ “Wow, you made her upset, what a shocker,”  _ the doctor mocked and Leo pressed his eyes shut for a moment before looking back at Jemma, waiting for her to answer his questions. She seemed to be searching for the right response.

 

“I'll call the doctor in, he can explain things better than I can,” she said hitting the nurse button. A second later Amber peeked into the room. “Can you have the doctor come here?” Leo glanced over and watched Amber nod and walk off before he looked at Jemma. 

 

_ “She's a scientist. She knows /exactly/ what the damage is,”  _ the doctor added. “ _ You really think she went 3 days, knowing your condition and didn’t try and look it up and research it?”  _  He spoke at the same time Jemma did, and all Leo saw was her lips move slightly.

 

“Will you shut up!” He shouted and Jemma immediately went silent and leaned back a bit. Her fingers moving from his hair and falling to her side. “I'm…. Sorry,” Jemma said looking down. Of course, he would be on edge. Leo hated hospitals. Probably from the multiple visits he made to them as a child or the memories of his coma.

 

“I wasn't…. I didn't mean you,” Leo said as quickly as he could. He hated the fact she thought he would yell at her like that. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her. “I thought…. I mean I hoped… and then I woke and he… the um...he's still there,” Leo tried to explain but words were difficult.

 

“The doctor? You still hear him?” Jemma asked stunned. Leo nodded. “All the time… the only time he um… he stopped was when the… when I got hurt,” he explained. “I hoped he wo...wouldn't come back but he did,” Leo swallowed, almost embarrassed. 

 

Jemma softly brushed her fingers along his arm. “What's he saying now?” She said lovingly. “He's been...since either woke, saying that the….um… medical staff, and even you… you're all keeping some...something from me.”

 

Leo watched as Jemma shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “I’m not w...weak Jemma, I can… can handle it,” he said.  _ “Yeah, sure you can, the same way you can handle speaking in full sentences.” _ Leo clenched his jaw after the doctor spoke and Jemma softly brushed his fingers with hers.

 

“You’re right, there are things I haven’t told you, and I refuse to,” her boldness stunned Leo. “Because you aren’t weak, you are so strong, and if I tell you them, you will handle it… but you deserve better. You have been so strong, for so long, that I want you to have at least some piece of mind.”

 

“But…” Leo trailed off when he saw her expression. It was full of love and concern, but not pity. She meant every word she had said. He did need time and denying that would be a mistake. Besides, whatever she was hiding… there was a reason, and he would learn. Just not now. 

 

_ “W… E…. A…. K” _ the doctor spelled out.  _ “You are weak, make her tell you! Don’t let her pull this ‘you deserve better’ stuff. It’s just a reason for her to lie to you and you’re foolish enough to let her.”  _

 

Leo shuttered slightly trying to ignore the doctor's annoying voice. “He’s saying things again isn’t he,” Jemma asked and Leo frowned. “How di… did you know?” 

“Well, when I didn’t know you were hearing him I didn’t see this, but since I learned I’ve watched your behavior and… You have the same expression when he talks as you did when you told me about what your father used to say… So I’ve tried to watch for that, so I can remind you not to believe him,” Jemma answered.

 

“Like what you did back at the… the um… the academy,” he said smiling softly and Jemma nodded. “Exactly. Remind you every day how important you are to me, and a lot of other people,” Jemma said as she watched Fitz weakly nod.

 

She could tell he was in a lot of pain, and she wished they were at the base so she could control his pain medicine, but she couldn’t mess with it, meaning he had to sit in pain. “Leopold Fitz, it’s good to see you awake.”

 

A man wearing a doctor's coat entered the room. “I’m doctor Peterson, I’m your doctor, but it’s nice to be able to speak to you about things.” He seemed nice, but of course, Leo had trust issues when it came to people. Especially ones that went by ‘doctor.’

 

“Ca..can you help me...um… I want to sit up,” Leo glanced over at Jemma who took a deep breath. “You can’t,” Jemma said softly before looking at the doctor. “She’s right, you have a lot of injuries, and sitting up would only make things worse,” doctor Peterson said.

 

“How bad...t..tell me the tru...truth,” Leo tried to sound authoritative, but the stuttering ruined the vibe he was going for. “ _ Wow, now they have to tell the truth,” _ the doctor mocked. Doctor Peterson nodded in understanding. “It’s a lot, but you deserve to know. Shall we begin?” 

 

**~~~**

 

Jema looked over at her husband when Doctor Peterson finished speaking. He had a blank expression of his face. Which made Jemma even more nervous. If he was yelling, she could handle that. If he was crying, she could comfort him. But he was… just there. Staring.

 

“F..Fitz?” she asked slowly. She watched him take a deep breath in before he looked around a little. “If… If I’ve been… if surgery was t..three days ago…. I think the um… the ba...bandages need c..chan...changing,” he finally said. 

 

Jemma looked over at the doctor confused. “Fitz, did you understand what he was saying, about your spine?” She was nervous to ask the question, but his reaction made her wonder if he was able to process what happened. 

 

“Y..yeah… I know, the um… t4 and t5…. I won’t be able… I’m pa...para..” he let out an exhale. He was more frustrated that he couldn’t say paraplegic than actually being paraplegic. “One second,” Jemma said standing up and waving the doctor from the room. 

 

“Why isn’t he freaking out, or asking questions?” Jemma couldn’t help worry the doctor lied about his brain scans. “Everyone takes life-changing news differently, it may take him some time to fully understand.”

 

Jemma seemed unsatisfied with the answer as she huffed. “Well, then get a nurse to change his bandages and… and then leave us alone.” She walked back into the room, feeling angry at the doctor, but she didn’t know why.

 

Leo was staring at the ceiling as Jemma went and sat down. “It...it’s not hi..hi fault,” Leo said looking at her. “I know, If anyone is to blame it’s Tal..” she began. “It’s my fault,” Leo stated with almost complete certainty. 

 

Jemma went to respond but was stumped. “Wh… What do… How is it your fault?” This time, she was the one with a loss of words. She was completely in awe, and not the good awe, at how he always managed to blame himself.

 

“The fra...framework, and wh..what I did t..to Daisy,” he answered. Jemma’s shoulders sank when he spoke. “How do either of those have to do with this?” It hurt, to see how little he thought of himself. 

 

“The uni..universe wants me to re...remember my..my sins, what better way than par..para….then,” he sighed. “It was a r..risk with Da..Daisy, removing the um…. The… inhibitor,” he managed.

 

“Then how does it relate to the framework?” Jemma couldn’t believe how his mind connected things like this. But when you're so used to blaming yourself it comes with little effort. Leo gave her a ‘you should know look.’

 

“When she...When Oph..Ophelia broke..br...broke her spine,” he said looking down. Jemma could see himself get overwhelmed with conflicting emotions when he said her name. No doubt the doctor was getting to him. “It was… she broke t4 and t5.”

 

Jemma grew suddenly very quiet. This was a sick and twisted game the cosmos was playing on him. Like it always did, it always targeted him. She felt tears build up in her eyes as she looked at him. 

 

“That’s not what this is,” she said slowly moving to sit next to him. He winced slightly as she sat on the bed but looked over at her. “Fitz, it’s just cruel irony, but it’s not your fault, you are not to blame.” There was a desperate pleading in her voice.

 

“W..what else am I su… supposed to think,” he said. Jemma heard the emotions hitting his voice, despite how hard he was trying to suppress them. “I..It’s either s..say that I.. I deserve or…” he trailed off.

“As opposed to what,” the loving wife said. “The..then saying...that it’s not f..fair…. That I… I am al...always the one wh..who gets h..hurt,” he said as she watched his eyes glazed over. “It’s… it’s not...not fair Jemma,” he said as his voice broke.

 

Jemma nodded slightly as a few tears slipped down his cheek. “You’re right, it isn’t fair. It’s not fair that you had a monster as a father, it’s not fair that every person you ever trust… they leave… even I left,” she said as she watched the tears build. 

 

“It’s not fair that you are the one who willingly gave his life, and when you woke you have cerebral brain damage…” Jemma sucked in a breath. “It’s not fair that you spent six months searching for me and when I came back, I had feelings for another man.”

 

Jemma felt it getting harder to talk. “It’s not fair that Hunter had to leave, and you had to say goodbye to your best friend. It’s not fair that you had to watch Lincoln die knowing you couldn’t save him. It’s not fair that Radcliffe used you and that Ophelia manipulated you.”

 

More tears were slipping down his face. “It’s not fair that you had to live 30 years with your father, or spend six months locked up like an animal, only to find your team and once again be locked up,” Jemma said taking a breath.

 

“And my gosh it is not fair that you, out of every person on this team, are once again in a hospital… after having nearly died  _ again  _ with an injury that is going to change your life because you were trying to save someone. It isn’t fair!” Jemma felt her voice grow louder at that last part.

 

It took Jemma a second to calm herself down and steady out her breathing. “It’s okay to not think this is fair,” she said taking a deep breath. “Fitz, I know this isn’t easy for you, and I know having the doctor in your head will make it hard… but I give you permission to not hold back.”

 

Jemma softly ran her hands through his hair. “I am going to be strong for us… I will hold it together, and I will think logically… You need to let it go, you need to let yourself not be okay because you’re not okay.” Her eyes locking with his blue ones.

 

“You don’t have to prove to me that you are strong, because I know,” she pressed her lips against his for a second before pulling away from him. His body seemed to grow weaker as he nodded.

 

Jemma hated seeing him look so beat down, but at least he wasn’t pretending he was okay anymore. Jemma slowly wiped a few tears from his eyes before carefully getting off the bed. “I’m going to close the windows okay, make it easier to rest.”

 

“J… Jemma,” Leo said after a moment of silence as he looked over at her. He had shut the curtains so there was no longer a blinding light in his eyes. “Yeah?” She walked over and sat next to him.

“Wha… what does… how many people...um… know about the… me,” he said not bothering to attempt saying paraplegia since that word seemed to be a struggle for him. “Just me and your mum, unless she told someone else it’s just us two,” Jemma said softly. 

 

Leo let out a soft exhale when she said that. “I figured, everyone knew about your coma and brain damage before you did… This time you deserved to know first,” she admitted. “Th..thank you,” he sounded exhausted when he spoke. 

 

“Why don’t you try and sleep more, I can tell that you’re exhausted,” Jemma said as she looked at him. His eyes were red from crying, and no doubt he was in a lot of pain. “Pro...promise me yo… you won’t tell th...the team,” he stammered. 

 

“I d..don’t want an..anyone to know y...yet,” he told her. “A..and I do...don’t want people to b..be here when I w… wake up,” he added as his eyelids grew heavy. “I promise, I will let mack know you woke up, but are resting again and not to let anyone come over.”

 

Leo only heard about half of what she said as he once again drifted off to sleep. It made Jemma relax a little, knowing that he was tired enough to fall asleep right away, and not stay up while his mind obsessed over the news. 

 

**~~~**

 

Leo had slept for about two hours when he woke in pain. His side felt like it was on fire and his spine felt like someone had taken a hammer to it. His head was throbbing and he could feel every fracture in his hands, and every bruise on his body. Of course, he couldn’t feel the pain in his legs, which was a good thing considering a human can only cope with so much physical pain. 

 

Jemma was sitting next to him reading a book with a small book light as to not disturb Leo. Leo tried to focus on what book it was to distract from the pain. But he couldn’t even read the entire title before letting out a whimper of pain. 

 

Jemma looked up when she heard him and saw his expression twisted in agony. “You’re awake?” She asked softly setting the book on the nightstand and clicking on the light next to him. 

 

There was something about the fake light stretching across his features that made him look sick and made his bruising stand out even more. “I...I..It..h...hu..hu..hurt,” he stammered as he let out another moan of agony. 

 

“Oh Fitz,” Jemma said as her shoulders sank. “M..Make it s..stop… p..please ma..make it stop,” he choked out and she looked around. “I can call a nurse in but they already set your pain meds as high as they can go,” she said painfully. 

“N...no...no p..please make it stop,” he sobbed as tears streamed down his face. Jemma looked around the room trying to figure out how she could fix it. How could she make him feel better? “It’s okay,” she said carefully touching his hand.

 

The minute his hand felt hers it jerked away and he cried out in agony. “Oh gosh, I am so sorry, I didn’t think,” she said as she watched him press his eyes shut letting out a few shaky whimpers. His body finally realizing just how much it went through.

 

“I will be right back,” Jemma promised running from the room to grab a nurse. Amber wasn’t there and so Jemma went to the nurse on call who followed her to the room. “He was sleeping just a minute ago but now he’s in a lot of pain,” Jemma worried. 

 

The nurse came into the room and checked his vitals. “I can’t give him any pain meds but I can try and find some soothing cream. It won’t take away all the pain but at least his bruises won’t hurt as bad.”

 

The nurse left for a moment before coming back and gently applying the cream. Every time she touched his skin he would whimper or yell slightly in pain. Jemma stepped back nervously biting at her nails. She hated seeing him in so much pain knowing she was powerless to help. 

 

“Is… Is he going to be okay?” Jemma asked when the nurse finished. “Hopefully, I’m going to see if there is anything else we can do to relieve the pain, see if the doctor can prescribe something. I will also see if we can bring him something to eat, hopefully eating will help his body better be able to make natural pain relieving hormones.”

 

The nurse quickly left the room and Jemma took a few more steps towards Leo. She could faintly hear him muttering something but she couldn’t quite make out what it was. “Fitz, talk to me, what do you need from me?”

 

Leo’s eyes were pressed shut and he slowly opened them to look at her. She could see the pain in his eyes and just how exhausted he was. This was something he never planned on going through. 

 

“I want my mum.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! I'm going to try and really focus on Fitz dealing with everything as well as his hearing the doctor since that is something he actually will struggle with for a while. I have a few loose ideas for the next chapter, and I think there is one Bella really wants me to do so you may be seeing that soon. Anyways, I really enjoyed writing Fitz waking and Jemma coming in and then ending with him a complete wreck.


	5. Markings Made On My Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz and Jemma talk before his mom arrives, then there is a flashback to when he's 9 years old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Before you read please know THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT ABUSE.  
> This chapter has a flashback to when Leo's mom learns his dad is abusing him. He is injured and there are a few references to his dad hurting him. I don't actually write his dad hurting him but that aftermath. So please READ WITH CAUTION

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Wᴀɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀʀᴋɪɴɢ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ sᴋɪɴ  
ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇᴀɴ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Leo couldn't even begin to describe the pain he was feeling in his body as he waited for his mother to arrive. In his life he had been abused and tortured, he had been shot and broke his arm, and more. But, this was the worse pain he had been in. It made him miss his coma. 

 

Tears had made a steady pattern of running down his cheek. His breathing was hitched as each inhale was like breathing in fire, and each exhale felt like his lungs were being squeezed. He still had oxygen in his nose, which was annoying but helpful, considering sometimes he struggled to breathe.

 

His hands felt like a thousand pins were being forced into his arms and bones. His spine felt like someone was stepping on it, trying to break each vertebra.  He had a small headache which was the cherry on top of the bad day.

 

The only good thing about being in this much pain was the doctor's lack of harsh unnecessary commentary. He was quiet and would only occasionally chime in with things like ‘why don’t they have you on more meds’ or ‘Jemma is to put together right now.’ But it wasn’t overwhelming.

 

“Your mom just left the hotel, she should be here soon okay,” Jemma said causing Leo’s eyes to slowly look over at her. He nodded as gently as he could, moving was still difficult and any wrong turn of the head and pain would shoot down his spine. 

 

Leo looked back at the white tiled ceiling. Squinting a little. “Can you um… the um… lights,” he said and Jemma nodded. She clicked on the lamb before turning off the overhead lights. “Thanks,” he said weakly. 

 

Leo didn't have to look at Jemma to know she was giving him a sad glance as she stood by the door frame. “Y...you don't h...have to take… take pity on me,” he said coughing a little. 

 

“I'm not taking pity on you, I'm looking at my husband,” she said pulling her body from the door frame and walking back over to her chair. “I hate seeing you in pain,” she said softly playing with his hair. 

 

Leo attempted to raise his eyebrow before realizing that hurt too much and going back to a neutral expression. “I love you,” he said glancing over at her. 

 

“I love you too,” she smiled. “Are you feeling any better?” She was nervous to ask the question but wanted to know how he was doing. 

 

Leo's small head shake was enough of an answer and Jemma glanced down. He took a deep breath in before letting a few tears drop down his face. “It all hurts,” he commented as he slowly exhaled. 

 

“Talk to me, what are you thinking about?” Jemma's voice was soft and welcoming. “I… still f… feel like I'm… I'm under the...the um… the building.” He said before coughing a little. After he took a few breaths to regulate his body, but it was evident that it hurt him.

 

Jemma could hear each inhale and exhale as his breathing sounded scratchy and painful. Leo knew she wanted to help in any way, and for the first time in his life, he wanted help. He understood he didn't have to be someone he wasn't.  He didn't have to prove he was strong, or smart, or brave. 

 

But, of course, he didn't know how she could help. It's not like she could do anything to make the pain stop. So Leo didn't continue, it's not like complaining would get him anywhere.

 

Jemma walked into the bathroom in his hotel room before coming back out with a damp cloth. She lightly dabbed at his forehead to clean off the sweat and some of the dirt and dried blood that the doctors had missed.

 

It wasn't much. And in the long run it didn't help him, but just having that loving and tender care was enough to calm his tension, enough to remind him that he was safe now.

 

The two sat in silence as she moved from his forehead to his neck, then arms and fingers. Focusing on any bit of dirt she could. Leo knew attention to detail was helping her to calm herself down. 

 

“Jemma?” His voice broke the stillness of the room. “Are… you okay, being married to…. I mean…” he coughed a bit. There was still dirt in his lungs making it sometimes difficult to breath clear. “If… it wasn't legal. And I wouldn't… I wou...wouldn't blame you for d..deciding to… to end it,” he said and Jemma pulled away slightly.

 

“Y...you shouldn't h..have a b..burden like th...this,” he said. “A burden of what? Leo, I love you, and I don't care what happens that's not going to change. I don't care that you're paralyzed,” she said. “The only thing that hurts me about this is knowing you're in pain and that you're struggling. But I could care less if you could walk, all that matters is that you are alive,” Jemma promised. 

 

More tears ran down Leo's face and he nodded. “O...okay,” he said. Jemma could see some of the stress lift off his chest. “But you are right, our wedding wasn't technically legal… so, when you're out of this hospital gown. I'm getting you in a kilt and we're having a big ceremony,” Jemma smiled. “I'm gonna go full bridezilla,” she teased and Leo smiled. 

 

“O...okay, if yo..you promise th..that you wo...won’t regret it,” he coughed. Jemma softly rubbed his shoulder, “I would never regret being with you,” she said lovingly and he nodded a bit. She watched him relax a little before he spotted someone at the door. 

 

Jemma followed his gaze seeing his mother. “I’ll give you two a moment, I’m going to get some food,” she kissed his forehead and left the room as Leo felt more tears run down his face, staring at his mom. 

 

“Mum,” he choked out and she nodded. Tears running down her face as she walked over to him. “Oh my brave little boy,” She said taking Jemma’s now empty seat and touching Leo’s cheek. 

 

“Mum…” he repeated not knowing what else he should say. “It’s okay, I’m here,” she said drying the cheeks from his eyes ever so slightly. Leo sniffled a bit as he looked at her, smiling ever so slightly.

 

“How are you feeling?” His mom said running her hands softly through his curls, the same way she did to comfort him when he was a kid. And it was working to calm him down now, making him forget about the pain his body was in.

 

“I’m okay n...now,” he said a few more tears escaping his face. She brushed the tear from his cheek. “You are so strong Leopold,” she said lovingly as she stared at him. Leo could see the overwhelming love that was written across her expression.

 

_ “I’m calling it now, something bad is going to happen, we’ve cursed,”  _ the doctor said. Leo ignored the other voice in his head. “I mi...missed you,” he said taking a few deep breaths. 

 

“I missed you to monkey,” she said lovingly as she admired him. Leo watched the soft expression changed to one of sadness. He could see her eyes glazing over all the injuries she could see.

 

“You do… don't have to be sad,” he said drawing her attention from his bruised hands. “I've handled w… worse,” he said trying to show his mom that he was strong. That she didn't need to worry about him.

 

Ever since he was a young boy, he always wanted her to see him as strong. Of course, she saw all his worst moments and he knew she would lift him up, but he still hated seeing her look upset.

 

“Leopold, you're not the one who's supposed to be comforting me. That's my job,” she stated forcing a smile. “So, let me comfort you,” she added. 

 

Leo nodded leaning more into his mom's embrace. “Tell me what's on your mind,” she said lovingly.  _ “Oh maybe that I'm paralyzed and hate hospitals, seriously why is she asking. She should know, aren't mom's supposed to know everything,”  _ the doctor responded and Leo glanced away from his mom.

 

“I c… can't help think about all th… the mistakes I've m...made,” he admitted. “The d… demons that hau...haunt me,” he finished. He tensed slightly, worrying that she would be upset with him.

 

“You've always been hard on yourself,” she said softly.  _ “I wonder why, maybe because of your ex-husband,” _ the doctor chimed in. “I just… I'm not the...the same pe...person I was,” he explained. “I've done b...bad things.” His voice was filled with regret.

 

“We all make mistakes Leopold, but it's his regret and guilt that allows us to learn and grow,” she encouraged him. Leo met her eyes and nodded a bit. “Yeah… yeah, you're r… right,” his eyes slowly moved from hers.

 

“You a..always used to s...say that to me…” he trailed off spotting someone at the door.  _ “Well, guess she didn't learn from her mistakes,”  _ the doctor commented when the figure came into full focus. 

 

His mother tracked his gave before spotting his father at the door. “M...mum?” Leo asked looking over at her. “W...why is h...he h...here,” he stammered. 

 

**~~~**

 

_ Leo sat at his desk looking out the window as he waited for his mother to come home. His dad had just left, after leaving a few bruised on Leo, and some worse injuries. His father had gotten mad that at 9-year-old and had, after roughing him up, had taken a belt to him. _

 

_ His mom didn’t know that his dad was hitting him. She heard his father call him names and other unpleasant things, but she didn’t know that for the past three years his dad was physically rough on him. _

 

_ His dad would threaten him, saying if he told his mother he would be hurt worse, so Leo never dared to tell her. Most of the bruises could be covered up with the fact he got bullied at every school he went to. _

 

_ He winced slightly as he shifted, to get a better view of the street. He watched as his mom’s car pulled into the driveway and he swallowed. He rubbed his hand nervously before trying to focus on his school work.  _

 

_ It didn’t occur to him that he had a towel, which was covered in crimson red, in his laundry hamper. Or that his uncleaned and covered injuries may have stained his pajama shirt. He heard the door open, and then close before hearing him mom call but his father and his name. _

 

_ “I’m upstairs mum,” the young boy said. He knew when his father didn’t answer she would know he went out for a drink since it was a nightly habit of his father. He could hear her downstairs moving around before her footsteps got louder as she climbed the steps. _

 

_ She went into her bedroom to change from her work clothes as Leo got frustrated with his school and pushed his notebooks onto the floor. After which he dropped his head onto the desk sighing. _

 

_ He was sore, bored, and just exhausted. He was tired of his dad constantly making him feel bad, he was tired of school, which never seemed to be entertaining, and the kids in his class and neighborhood who made it their goal to exclude him. _

 

_ Leo rubbed his eyes as he stared out the window. It began to rain, it was Scotland after all. He wanted to go to his mom, tell her he was hurting, but he didn’t want to be weak. He also was too terrified of the consequences. _

 

_ He let his thoughts take over as he watched the water gathering on the glass and rolling down the window. He stopped paying attention to where he was, zoning out the sounds he heard as his mind took control. _

 

_ “Leopold,” He heard and he sat up turning to look at his mom. “Yeah,” he muttered. He voice hear his voice break, which is when he became aware of the tears that had been streaking down his cheeks when he got himself lost in thought. _

 

_ “I need your help with din-” his mother stopped nothing the pure devastation written across his face. “Was it another bad day at school?” The question was genuine and concerning. All Leo could do was a nod. Even though school wasn’t even the beginning of it. _

 

_ His mom reached out her arms and he stood, walking into the comforting embrace. She loving hugged him, but the pressure on his bad made him wince a little. She slowly let him go, frowning. _

 

_ “Monkey, are you okay?” Leo nodded at the question. However, his mother knew better and he watched her eyes look past him. Spotting the creme colored towel that was dotted with red. _

 

_ “Nothing, I’m fine,” he tried to argue. She turned him around lifting up the back of his shirt, spotting the red, fresh cuts all along his back. “Leopold who did this to you?” _

 

_ He could tell his mom was completely appalled at the site of it, which he couldn’t blame her. “Mum, I’m fine,” he said trying to pull away but she didn’t let him, not right away.  _

 

_ “These are still bleeding… this didn’t happen three hours ago at school,” she demanded. “Come into my bathroom so I can clean this up,” she said leading him into the other room and sitting him down. _

 

_ “Did one of your bullies follow you home?” Leo looked down, shaking his head no as he pulled his shirt over his head so his mom could see his entire back. It was then that she noticed the light and dark bruises he had. _

 

_ “Leo you need to tell me who did this,” she said her voice going from demanding to soft. “I can’t,” he mumbled as he watched her pour peroxide on a towel. She gently dabbed at the cuts down his back and he whimpered. _

 

_ “Don’t be afraid to me,” she said lovingly. “If… If I do will you promise not to tell anyone?” Leo glanced at his mom, whose shoulders sank. “I am your mother, it’s my job to protect you,” she answered.  _

 

_ “I…” he sighed looking down at his hands. He whipped a tear from his face before deciding to tell her. “I accidentally broke…. I broke father’s bottle of whiskey an-” he didn’t get the rest of the sentence out when his mom dropped the peroxide and towel.  _

 

_ “No,” she whispered, she moved so she was kneeling in front of her son. “Please tell me your father hasn’t been hurting you,” she said. Her voice was full of terror, fear, and guilt. _

 

_ Leo looked away from his mom before she guided his gaze back to her. “How l… How long has he been hurting you?” She softly brushed her son's cheek so that he could feel safer in her arms. _

 

_ “When…” Leo took a deep breath. “When you went to York, for your work.” He watched as his mom's expression dropped even more. “That was three years ago,” she said.  Leo nodded looking away. “He told me not to tell you,” he said. _

 

_ “You didn’t break your arm falling out of a tree did you?” she asked. Leo simply nodded. “You’re not bullied at school either, not enough to get cuts and bruises,” she was slowly piecing things together.  _

 

_ His mother always tried to defend him when his father would call him worthless and stupid, but she was now learning that all of that effort was for nothing. Because the abuse was not just verbal. _

 

_ “I’m sorry,” Leo said when he looked back at his mom. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said immediately. She forced a brave face as she gathered the stuff to clean his cuts back up. “You can’t tell father that you know or… He’ll be really mad,” he said worriedly.  _

 

_ “You don’t have to worry about him anymore, becuase I am going to make sure he won’t do this again,” she promised as she finished cleaning up his wounds and bandaging them properly.  _

 

_ Once he was cleaned up she told him to go to bed, and that she would be in to tuck him in soon. After he left the room the woman allowed a few tears to run down her face before she cleaned to room. _

 

_ She walked into her son's room and climbed under the covers with him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his forehead. She watched as she slowly drifted to sleep. _

 

_ Leo allowed his body to relax as he slowly shut his eyes, cuddling into his mother for comfort and protection. When she thought he was sleeping Leo heard her whisper a promise to him. “I’m going to get us out of this okay? And you won’t have to worry about him anymore… it may take time but I promise you, you won’t live in fear anymore.” _

 

**~~~**

 

Linda sucked in a deep breath when Leo asked that question. He glanced from the door, where his father stood, towards his mother. A look of absolute betrayal written across his face as his brow furrowed. 

 

Jemma had run up behind them, having seen Alistair and attempting to stop him. Yet when she saw the look on her husband's face she knew he already spotted the older man.

 

Leo caught a glimpse of Jemma from the corner of his eye and felt less alone and hurt. “Mum…. Why,” he said again. Linda glanced back at Alistair before looking at Fitz. 

 

“I wanted to tell you before he arrived. I told him to wait 5 minutes before following me, but when I saw you, I got distracted… I should have told you sooner,” she said sadly. The woman attempted to put her hand on her sons but he pulled it away from her the best he could and she got the hint.

 

“Why is he… why is he here,” he repeated as he stared at her. Alistair stepped forward and a flash of fear crossed Leo's face. When Jemma noticed she stepped up. “Don't take one more step or I will have security remove you, with or without your consent,” Jemma hissed.

 

“Over a year ago,” Linda said quietly and Leo looked over at her. “I ran into your father, and… after a few months of talking, we decided to try again,” she explained.

 

Leo stared at her with a series of mixed emotions on his face. Hurt, anger, betrayal, and frustration were only a few. “How co...could you trust him?” He glanced back at his dad for a second, worried that his dad would try and harm him.

 

“I know you have every right to not agree, but he has changed,” she promised. Leo kept his gaze on his father. “Leopold,” Alistair spoke up. “You have no right to speak to him,” Jemma cut in.

 

“Wh...what do you want? Huh? Bec...because I know y...you wanted Radcliffe to….to tell me s...something and now…. You're using her…. Again…. What do you want,” Leo said glaring at his father. 

 

“I've made mistakes, I'm aware of that. But I want a second chance, with you and your mother,” Alistair said. Leo shook his head. “No… no you lost th...the priv...privilege  to b..be in my life wh...when you walked out of it,” he said.

 

“Leopold,” Alistair said again. Jemma shuttered slightly at the way he said his son's name. Even now it was almost as if he expected his son to cower in fear. 

 

“No,” Leo said. “Why d...don't you… do what you...you're best at.“ Leo was stammering but had the same level of authority in his voice like his father's. “Walk out,” he finished.

 

Alistair hesitated for a moment before leaving the room, deciding to speak to his son at a later time. Leo glanced down before he looked at his mom. “You can go too,” he added. This time tears were filling his eyes and his voice wavered. 

 

“What?” Both Leo's mother and Jemma said at the same time. “I… I don't want to…. I can't… be aro...around you right now,” he muttered. His throat catching on tears as he spoke to her. He hated asking her to leave, but he couldn't help feel utterly betrayed by her.

 

“Leo,” she said quietly. “No… no I don't want t..to hear it, mum,” he cut off. “I hav….have been through….enough,” he added. “I...I don't des….deserve this,” he looked away from her and she stood slowly. 

 

“I'll give you some time,” she agreed. “I know this hard for you, and especially with everything… but I'm only going to be a few minutes away… so if you need anything….” She trailed off when Leo looked away from her. Refusing to make eye contact with her.

 

Linda took a deep breath before looking over at Jemma for a split second, then back at Leo. “I love you,” she said before walking from the room.

 

_ “Well, if you can't trust your own mother who can you trust?”  _  The doctor spoke up moments after she left.  _ “Say what you will about me, at least I tell you the truth,”  _ he added. Leo sniffled a bit before his mind pieced something unsettling together. 

 

“You...you knew,” he said looking at Jemma. Completely heartbroken. “I did,” Jemma said walking over and sitting down. “I told your mum when she got here that… that he should stay away.” Jemma glanced down. 

 

“She asked me not to tell you about your father, she wanted to tell you and not have me do it,” Jemma explained. “And the truth was, I think I hoped it was just my exhaustion and that he really wasn't here,” she said.

 

“You sh...should have told me,” he said. “We...you and I… we….we are married. We're sup...supposed to share stuff.”

 

Jemma was about to respond mentioning how he kept hearing the doctor from her but bite back the comment. “I should have… I just didn't want you to be in any more pain,” she responded. 

“Yeah well, it's too late for that,” he answered.

 

Jemma glanced down, understanding why he was being so distant. She knew him finding out about his father would affect him, even if he didn't want it to. Leo sucked in a deep breath. “I w… want to be alone,” he stated looking up towards the roof.

 

“No,” Jemma said. “You and I both know even if I do leave you won't be alone, and I refuse to leave you with the doctor when you're upset,” she responded. “You can be mad at me, but you have to understand that I love you, and I'm not going to leave you when you need me most.”

 

Leo let out an exhale, about to argue, when pain shot down his spine and he let out a slight yelp of pain. His hands instinctively grabbed the blankets firmly before he let them go, as the pain throbbed in his hands.

 

Jemma knew Fitz wouldn't want her to pity him, but he was hard to see him so broken down. She watched his body tremble slightly as a few beads of sweat built up across his forehead. She hated seeing him in so much pain and being unable to reach him. She didn't know what pain was worse, his body, or the internal emotional fight all this was causing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry that it took forever to update this chapter. Basically, I had a lot of family stuff going on and just didn't have time or energy to write. I also kept having mind blanks but I did want to publish this. Also, Happy Mother's Day, have a chapter of Fitz and his mom angst xD
> 
> I also wanted to have over 5,000 words, but I don't want to cram stuff into the chapter, I'd rather have 4,000 words and things placed in the proper chapter.
> 
> I hope you guys liked this, please leave your comments and thoughts as they make me feel more inspired! <3


	6. We Stick Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz has a nightmare which puts him in a bad mood, he pushes Jemma away and finally breaks down, opening up to a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!!!!
> 
> The first bit is a slightly graphic nightmare with someone being shot.   
> Later in the chapter, Fitz is smacking his head to get the doctor to stop, which is self-harm, so PLEASE, READ WITH CAUTION!!!!!

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Yᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs, ᴀɴᴅ I ɢᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴛᴏᴏ  
Tʜᴇʀᴇ ɪsɴ'ᴛ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴅᴏ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ  
Wᴇ sᴛɪᴄᴋ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ, ᴡᴇ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ɪᴛ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ  
'Cᴀᴜsᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛ ᴀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ɪɴ ᴍᴇ

―――――――――――――――――――――――

_ His hands ran under the warm water, scrubbing it rapidly as if he had to get something off the skin. Once the sink was covered in soap from the incessant scrubbing, he shut off the sink. He waited until he watched all the soap fade from view, slipping down the drain. He grabbed at the towel, drying them completely. _

 

_ He looked up, staring at the reflection of himself in the mirror. Something felt off as he stared at the reflection. He had a plain expression on his face, yet the put together image he was staring at seemed to smirk at him as if it knew something he didn’t. Leo shuttered slightly as he turned away from the haunting image. _

 

_ He felt a sense of confusion wave over him. Why was he in the bathroom washing his hands? When had he gone there? The last few hours seemed a blur as he tried his hardest to think about them. He couldn’t help feeling scared about what he was missing. _

 

_ The engineer then made his way into the main control room, hoping the team would be there to fill him in. When he got there the room was completely empty. Even some of the other agents who were usually walking around seemed to have just vanished. _

 

_ After examining the room, he slowly sat down at the chair he usually sat in. He felt he should pull up security feeds, but something was stopping him, making sure he didn’t. Taking a deep breath Leo switched on the computer in front of him. _

 

_ He watched as the screen came to life, and he heard the monitor begin to hum, it was the only sound in the whole base, and having the noise was comforting. After typing in his Agent ID code, he pulled up old projects he was working on, wanting to do something to distract himself from the image he saw in the mirror. _

 

_ He sat at the computer, slowly looking at his designs, the weapons and the tools he had made since he was 16 years old. His whole life had been dedicated to this agency. It was his home, the place he met his best friend and wife, and the place he had a family. _

 

_ He was alone for 30 minutes, just looking at the computer. No agent had entered the room during the entire time, which was odd but also makes Leo relax, knowing he wouldn’t have to explain where he had been since he had no clue where or what he had been doing before arriving at the control room. _

 

_ As he sat there, he heard Jemma, more specifically her scream. Leo’s entire body tense, and he scrambled to his feet before hearing her scream once more, this time, louder than before. Leo moved away from the desk, causing the chair to fall to the floor, but he didn’t care. He had to know she was okay. _

 

_ “Jemma?!” He shouted running after the sound of her scream. She had gone silent, not even responding when he called her name, which only made his pulse quicken. His body was shaking as he raced through the halls of the lighthouse.  _

 

_ The lighthouse seemed to drag on endlessly as he tried to get to the women he loved. She could be in danger, or worse, and he wasn’t there to keep her safe. Instead, he was running around trying to get to her. What if he was too late? _

 

_ For some reason, Leo already knew where to go. The lighthouse was dozens of floors deep, and not to mention the large distance between the sides of each floor, yet deep down he knew exactly where she was.  _

 

_ When he finally turned the corner and ran into the room in which she was in he froze. His mind not wanting to process what he was seeing. Jemma was alive, but the other figure lay unmoving on the cold concrete floor. Jemma’s shirt was covered in the other agent's blood as she clung onto the body, sobbing. _

 

_ “No,” Leo whispered as he stared at the agent. His grandson, Deke. He had what appeared to be multiple gunshot wounds to the stomach, and the blood on the floor suggested that he had bled out, meaning his death was slow and painful...and he had been alone. _

 

_ Judging by the site, Deke couldn’t have died more than 35 minutes ago, and Leo felt his stomach drop as he stepped forward. He had to get Jemma calmed down, there was nothing he could do for Deke.  _

 

_ Leo got onto his knees next to Jemma, one hand wrapping around her as her sobs filled his heart. He slowly hugged her tightly as he reached over to shut Deke’s eyes. Leo couldn’t think of what he could or should say, so he sat there in silence.  _

 

_ His mind tried to figure out what had happened, who had done this? Was the base under attack, and if so where he and Jemma safe? Leo’s felt his brain trying to connect missing pieces, pieces he should have remembered.  _

 

_ “Jemma,” he said slowly, he gently hugged her tighter as she hugged Deke. “He’s gone,” she cried out as she looked over at him, “I was too late, I should have been here,” she sobbed even harder after that. “I could have saved him, but I failed,” she said gasping for air.  _

 

_ “Hey, hey, don’t do that,” he said pulling her from her grasp on Deke. When her arms let Deke go they wrapped tightly around Leo as she buried his face in the crook of her neck. He could feel the cold water hit his neck with each tear she cried. _

 

_ He didn’t want to pull her away from Deke, but he also knew that she had to step back and calm down. So he held her in his arms, keeping her from looking at their grandson. His vision blurred slightly as tears built up.  _

 

_ He wanted to be strong for Jemma but his stomach felt sick, and his heart heavy with guilt. Why hadn’t he heard the gunshot? He could have gotten here sooner… He was trying not to blame himself but it was proving nearly impossible. _

 

_ He felt Jemma’s grip on his shirt tighten, her knuckles going white. “We lost him, Fitz,” she whispered into him. He softly brushed through her hair. “I am so sorry Jemma,” he whispered as he hugged her close. The only thing keeping him from breaking down was feeling her heartbeat against his. _

 

_ “You monster,” a familiar male voice said after a moment of silence. Leo glanced up to see Coulson standing over them. It was almost as if he had suddenly appeared in the room, blocking the two scientists from the door. _

 

_ Leo looked around seeing the team, Mack, Elena, May, and Daisy, all standing in front of them, evenly spaced. Leo looked around in confusion. Both at what Coulson had said, and how the team even go there without him and Jemma noticing.  _

 

_ Jemma was laying in his arms, her face away from the team as she lay near him for comfort. It was like she couldn’t see the other agents standing around them. All with rage in their eyes as she looked at him. _

 

_ “I heard Jemma scream, she… she found the body but it was too late,” he said. His voice was shaking with grief as he looked up at Coulson, the man who had become a father figure to him. One of the only people Leo felt he could trust. _

 

_ “You're despicable,” his father figure stated suddenly as he glared at the engineer. “Wh...What?” Leo asked slowly as his brow furrowed in confusion. He watched as Coulson rolled his eyes as if Fitz should know why he was a monster. _

 

_ Jemma slowly pulled away from Fitz, looking at the team in confusion. “Deke is gone,” she said slowly. “I know, Jemma, get away from him,” Elena demanded as she reached her hand out. Leo could feel his heart rate picking up. _

 

_ “I didn’t do anything wrong,” Leo whispered as his eyes locked with Jemma’s her head tilting in confusion before she looked back at Elena, expecting a reason to leave her husband’s side. Leo felt his hand began to tremble as he once again looked at the team. _

 

_ Daisy seemed ready to fight, her fists help tightly. Mack was towering over the smaller man, closer than all the others, and May had moved so she was almost behind Fitz, fully encircling him. He had no way to run. _

 

_ “My grandson is dead,” Jemma said slowly as she looked around at the team. “And you can blame the man sitting next to you,” Mack’s voice seemed to echo around the room. Leo straightened in confusion when he had said that. _

 

_ “What do… no, no this isn't my fault, I just got here and saw them and… I don’t know what happened,” Leo said looking Jemma in the eye. If no one else believed him, he knew Jemma would. She would believe him. _

 

_ “He’s the reason your grandson was shot multiple times. Your husband shot him and then watched him bleed to death,” Daisy said showing Jemma footage of what had happened to Deke. When she said it was his fault, Leo hoped she was wrong. _

 

_ Yet, there he was, smirking as Deke begged for his life. The HD footage showing the fear spread across Deke’s face. It looked like he even had tears in his eyes, then, Fitz pulled the trigger multiple times. _

 

_ Despite the video being completely silent, Leo could hear the memory of the gunshots in his ears as he watched himself murder his own grandson. He watched the footage of him staring at the man who was bleeding out, before leaving him on the cold floor of the lighthouse. _

 

_ “No…” Leo whispered as he stared at the screen. “No, I didn’t… I didn’t do that Jemma,” he stated quickly. He felt Jemma’s body pulling away from him slightly, staring at the footage still. “Was it the doctor,” May asked speaking up. _

 

_ Leo looked up at her as she continues. Her voice harsh as she spoke to him. “Last I checked you were the same person!” Leo flinched when she yelled at him. “You’re being locked up for the rest of your life,” Mack said. _

 

_ “Please don’t, that wasn’t me, I didn’t do this… Jemma, tell them I’m not a bad guy, tell them I.... I would never do this,” He begged his wife. She pulled herself completely from his arms, shoving him back as she stood up. _

 

_ “Jemma,” Leo said in defeat as he stared at her. “You… are a curse,” she said pulling off her wedding ring and throwing it to the floor beside him. Daisy stood next to Elena and Daisy, her sadness was gone and all that remained was hatred.  _

 

_ “Every bit of pain I have ever felt is because of you, you make me miserable, you make me sick,” she hissed. “I don’t know why I ever loved you, I was a fool for doing so,” Jemma added on. “You are weak,” she finished. _

_ “Get him locked in isolation,” Elena said as Mack harshly grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. Leo winced at the pain his arm was in, Mack’s grip extremely tight on his arm, and it was only getting worse. “Please, it hurts,” he whimpered. _

 

_ “Don’t lock him up,” Daisy said suddenly. A glimpse of hope returned as he looked up at Daisy, she was going to keep him safe. “He deserves worse,” she said suddenly. Leo’s expression fell and his face went flush.  _

 

_ “She’s right, prison is too soft of a punishment. We need to destroy anything and anyone that is hydra. Everyone, clear the room so we can take care of this threat,” Coulson said. His smile was one the sent a chill down Leo’s spine. _

 

_ Mack let him go and shoved him back before the team walked from the room. “I didn’t mean to… please, I just need help,” Leo said as tears dripped down his face. “Jemma please, please just help me,” he begged. _

 

_ “I would never help a man like you,” Jemma stated as she turned and left the room. She hated him, and she was making that clear. “Please, I don’t know how to stop him, I just need help, Don’t kill me,” he begged. _

 

_ “It’s nice to see you begging the same way our grandson did,” Jemma mused. Leo swallowed and his lip quivered. He stepped back as his shoulders sank. He was alone, all alone. Even the person who once loved him the most had left him. _

 

_ Everyone he loved left… because of who he was. Because he was a monster, he was weak. His father knew that the team knew that, and now Jemma knew. He had no one left, even the doctor had left him. _

 

_ “We have pitied you enough, you don’t deserve any more forgiveness, doctor,” May spat as she looked at Coulson. He nodded before meeting Leo’s eyes. “Quake,” he said before glancing at Daisy, who smirked as she stared at Leo. _

 

_ “Bring it down,” Coulson ordered. Leo felt his heartbeat quicken as he looked over at Daisy. His eyes filled with tears as he watched her stretch out her hand. “I’m sorry,” Leo said weakly before the building began to shake.  _

 

_ He looked at Jemma one last time. His wife, who had decided she didn’t want him anymore...he was too broken. He felt the building begin to cave in on him, and in the doorway, his best friend, someone he would give his life for, stood, smiling as the building came down on him. _

 

**~~~**

 

Leo's eyes shot open and he gasped for breath, the painfully real images from his nightmare flashing through his mind like a slideshow. His heart was racing as he tried to process where he was at. Trying to remind himself it wasn’t really.

 

When his eyes finally adjusted to the lighting he realized where he was and looked around the hospital room. He took a few deep breaths before looking over to where Jemma sat. When he woke he must have caught her attention.

 

She has set the magazine she was reading down and leaned forward, very gently touching his hand in hers. “Hey, are you okay?” Her question seemed to be more of a ‘I know you’re not okay,’ than an actual question.

 

“Um… I’m- Yeah,” Leo said slowly. Jemma tilted her head slightly as she looked at him. “I know what it looks like when you have a nightmare,” Jemma said lovingly. “You know you can talk to me about it, right?”

 

“I don’t… I don’t want to talk about,” he said. His voice was shaky and broken up. “Fitz, sweetie you shouldn’t be-” Jemma began. “No…. okay, I said no,” he snapped. Immediately he felt bad for snapping at her, and it only reminded him of his nightmare. He would only ever hurt her.

 

Jemma could tell that he was obviously not interested in sharing the nightmare. “Well, if you do need to talk you know I am always ready to listen,” she said softly bringing his fingers up to kiss them softly. Leo nodded, pressing his eyes shut.

 

“I am glad you’re awake, though,” she said, causing his eyes to open as he looked over at her. “The nurse let me know that the doctor is on his way here, to talk about your treatment. I think he wants to get your knee fixed now that you’re a bit more alert and stronger.”

 

Leo took a deep breath glancing down at where his knee was, propped up on a pillow. It had been a day since Leo kicked his mom from the room and he had avoided anything relating to his injuries, or emotions since finding out about his dad. He had practically shut down completely. 

 

Jemma had barely gotten him to talk since they left, no matter how much she tried. “I think it would be good to talk about it and ask whatever questions you have,” she said when Leo didn’t answer her, as he was staring blankly at the roof.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he stated. His voice was bitter and harsh and Jemma couldn’t tell if his bitterness was aimed at her, or worse, himself. Jemma kept her expression gently and loving, forcing down her own emotions.

 

“I know you don’t want to think about it, but this is your medical history and we have to talk about it with a professional,” Jemma said calmly. She did her best to smile at him and keep her expression filled with love, despite her confusion.

“I said no, you can talk to the doctor when he gets here, you can make my decisions, but I’m… I’m not making any more decisions,” he muttered. Jemma knew that this had to do with his nightmare, that whatever he saw had made him no longer able to trust himself.

 

“Fitz, I understand you may not trust yourself but I trust you, and I really think you should make these decisions. No one else can,” She said quickly, believing she had gotten it so he would agree to speak with the doctor.

 

“You’re my wife,” he noted. “Can’t you make medical decisions for me? And… if not yet, I can give you verbal consent when the doctor enters the room,” he stated, avoiding eye contact with her. Jemma simply stared at him, how did he manage to find a loophole?

 

Jemma glanced at him for a moment longer before speaking up. “Yes, you can give me permission to decide but, I really think you should be a part of this,” she said as calmly as she could. Hoping to make him see reason.

 

“No, I’m done deciding things,” he said definitely. "I don't want to make decisions anymore… I always seem to do things that end up worse, so you make them," he stated. "You decided when my surgeries are. Whether or not to prescribe me certain medicines. You're in charge of my healthcare from now on."

 

Jemma realized he was being completely serious which just broke her heart. “Fitz, why do you not want to make these decisions for yourself, it would be better if-” Jemma was cut off but a frustrated sigh from Leo.

 

“Because  I can’t trust my own judgment!” He didn’t mean to snap at her or raise his voice, but he was on edge and her pushing him was bothering him. “That isn’t true,” Jemma said remaining calm and clear-headed.

 

“Yeah well, who was it that made the decision to cut into Daisy?” His question   Jemma off-guard. “Whose decision was it to work on the framework and Aida, to trust Radcliffe, those were me, It’s obvious I keep messing up these choices!” 

 

Jemma could see him beginning to panic so decided it was best to drop it and calm him down. “Hey,” she whispered. “Take a deep breath okay?” She softly rubbed his arm “I will make the decisions for you if that’s what you want.”

 

Leo nodded. “It is what I want,” his voice was muffled as he spoke. Jemma glanced down at his hands, which were still bruised up, but the smaller cuts were almost all healed. “Then I will tell the doctor when he comes in,” she promised sadly. 

 

“Tell me what,” the doctor asked walking into the room. “I hope everything is okay,” he stated grabbing the chart at the end of Fitz’s bed. Jemma could see the annoyance hit Leo when he saw the doctor. For some reason, he didn’t like the other man.

 

Jemma shrugged the thought aside before looking at the doctor “Well we were talking, and decided that I will be the one to make decisions about his medical treatment,” Jemma explained. The doctor nodded in understanding as he found the chart page he was looking for. 

 

“Leopold is that correct,” He asked smiling. Leo’s jaw tightened and he looked at Jemma, annoyed that his doctor used his first name. “Firstly,” Leo muttered, “It’s Fitz.” The doctor nodded remembering that statement for the future. 

 

“And secondly, all my medical decisions will be made by Jemma, and don’t ask me why because I don’t have to tell you,” he muttered. Jemma looked at the doctor apologetically. The doctor simple brushed off Leo’s bitterness, understanding where his patient was coming from.

 

“Alright, that’s all the verbal consent I need,” he said. “We can discuss things here, or in my office, whichever you two would prefer,” the doctor added. “You can go to the office,” Leo said looking away from the two. 

 

The doctor nodded and headed from the room and Jemma glanced down at him. “I’ll be back soon, I love you,” she said kissing his forehead softly. He could see the hurt in her eyes at the fact he wanted nothing to do with her at the moment, but he also couldn’t bring himself to apologize.

 

He was just pushing her away and no matter what he did, or what he tried to do he couldn’t stop messing up. He watched as Jemma left the room, following behind the doctor. He made a mistake, like always. Leo felt a tear roll down the side of his face. Why couldn’t he be normal?

 

~~~

 

Leo had hoped that once Jemma had left, he could calm himself down enough to get back to sleep. In fact, her leaving made his mind feel ten times worse than the nightmare had. Despite having slept a lot since the accident, which had almost been a week ago, his mind and body needed the rest.

 

He knew it wouldn’t be extremely easy to fall back to sleep, not with the images in his mind from his nightmare. But, he also didn’t imagine it would be this hard. He had been laying with his eyes shut for ten minutes, trying to sleep.

 

Of course, it didn’t help that no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, the doctor wouldn’t shut up. If Leo could hold his phone without sharp dagger-like pain, Leo would have picked up the phone and called Jemma, begging her to come back and sit with him.

 

Leo really didn’t want to have to talk to anyone, but he would rather have Jemma telling him he would get better and then talking about medical things, as opposed to listening to the doctor list all of the reasons why he was bad for Jemma.

 

He expected Jemma to be gone for over an hour, between the actual conversation, the paperwork, and then the likelihood of Jemma calling his mother to fill her in, and get food from the cafeteria, he would be alone for a while. And he hated it.

 

_ “Maybe Jemma realized that you are paralyzed, and pretty much useless,” _ the doctor mused. Leo took in a deep breath and pressed his eyes shut. How hard could it be to ignore your innermost thoughts?

 

_ “I mean, you gave her permission to spend one on one time with a hot medical doctor with no split personality disorder… oh, he can also walk,”  _ The voice stated.  _ “I mean, stay with you, someone with a lot of issues… like, a lot… or go with the rich doctor to some tropical island.” _

 

“S...shut up,” Leo muttered to himself. He took a deep breath as the doctor continued on. Listing each and every reason why Jemma would or should leave him. Reminding Fitz of all of the choices he had made them lead him to this.

 

The other voice in his head reminded him of each name of each inhuman he helped kill, or tortured. Reminding him that no matter what Fitz did he could never escape the doctor and who he was. He couldn’t run from his past.

 

Eventually, the voice became too overwhelming. Each second it was getting louder and easier to believe. Tears began forming in Leo’s eyes which only earned extra jabs from his mind. He could feel a shaking in his hands despite the fact both were securely wrapped in a brace.

 

Each breath in felt like he was being stabbed in the chest, and eventually, a steady stream of water was running down his face. “Just st...stop,” he whispered. This time it wasn’t a command, but a plea. A plea to himself to make the pain stop.

Instinct took over, and he did something he knew he shouldn’t but it was the only thing he could think of that would stop the voice. He ignored the pain in his hands and brought them up to hit the side of his head.

 

When he was in prison he would smack it against the wall and the doctor would go silent, but he couldn’t exactly sit up at the moment, so was using the hard metal in his braces. He knew he shouldn’t do it but he also didn’t know what else to do.

 

“Woah, Woah, Woah,” a female voice cut through the sound of the doctor’s.”Fitz! Stop!” Daisy… he recognized the voice, but he didn’t stop. He heard the sound of a bag hitting the floor and the next thing he knew she was forcing his hands away from the side of his face, pinning them to the mattress so he couldn’t keep smacking himself.

 

Leo’s breathing was jagged and sharp as he gasped slightly. “Fitz, you need to calm down,” she said firmly, yet soft.  _ “She was one of them you tortured, and not just in the framework,” _ the doctor said as if he needed to be reminded. 

 

“You’re not alone,” Daisy stated as she fought to keep his hands on the mattress without injuring them even more than they already were. Leo seemed to start fighting her back harder than before. “G...get A..away, I’ll ju...just hu...hurt you,” he said showing her back.

 

Daisy looked around the room for any form of restraints, but upon seeing none, she formed another, strange idea. She put down the side of the hospital bed before she climbed in next to him. Her arms wrapping around him so he was completely held down but her.

 

Daisy rested her hand on his chest after he stopped fighting. SHe could feel the rapid uncontrollable beating of his heart and it hurt her to feel. To know he was so broken down and terrified. She hated seeing him like this.

 

She had pieced together things about his life, from things he did or Jemma told her, but even then she had no idea just how much pain he was holding onto. She looked up at him and noticed the terrified expression on his face.

 

“You’re not going to hurt me,” she said softly. She saw him exhale weakly, but he still didn’t seem to trust himself at all.  Of course, it didn’t help that two a week ago she was saying he deserved to be locked up because he was dangerous.

 

“I trust you, I know… I know you’re not gonna do anything to me,” she made sure her voice was gentle and soothing, and it seemed to work. His muscles all seemed to relax and his hands seemed to stop fighting against her.

 

Daisy softly rubbed his arm, which felt nice to Fitz. His arms were in pain and her soft soothing touch was enough to help the muscles relax and calm him down. He sniffled ever so slightly before taking a few deep, long breaths.

 

“I’m so...sorry,” he said quietly. Daisy looked up at him, not quite certain he knew he was talking out loud. She wondered how often he had conversations with the voice in his mind. It made her frown thinking about how his mind was never silent.

 

“Fitz?” She asked slowly, to make sure he knew she was listening. “I’m s...sorry I hu...hurt you,” he mumbled. She could hear the heartbreak and devastation worse and it only made her feel worse for saying all those things to him.

 

“I’m so...sorry I cu...cut into y...you I…” he trailed off. Daisy wasn’t sure if he forgot what he was saying, or didn’t have the energy to finish the conversation. She doubted that he was getting decent rest. He probably only slept when the pain meds kicked in, and even when he went to sleep on his own she was certain it was restless.

 

“I know,” Daisy responded after a second. “You’re a good person, even if what you did was drastic,” she said slowly. “You were trying to keep your family… your team safe,” she added after a second.

 

He glanced down next to her when she said that. “Do…. do um… do you me...mean it?” His voice was quiet when he spoke. As if the question would make her change her mind and go back to thinking he is the worst person ever.

 

“I just wanted someone to hate,” she said ashamed. “I was scared. Coulson was dying, I was prophesied to destroy the earth, and then you did… that,” she said. “You were someone to attack, someone to blame, you were just trying to help,” she added. 

 

“What you did was cruel, and it hurt,” Daisy muttered. She watched and Leo pressed his eyes shut, and she knew it was to stop the team. “But… you were right, it sealed the riff.” Leo glanced over at her. “It was a hard decision, I almost killed my mother, and I took the cure for Coulson, both to save the people I care about… you were doing the same thing.”

 

Leo wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry in relief or frustration that she didn’t hate him, he should be hated for what happened, but he was also relieved he still had his friend. He nodded a bit before he opened his eyes again and looked over at her. 

 

Daisy let him go and shifted so she was lying parallel to him, careful not to kick his knee. The two lay in silence for some time. Neither knowing what to say. Leo’s left hand was trembling slightly, which Daisy noticed. It wasn’t hard to notice the symptoms of his hypoxia, symptoms she struggled to watch him deal with years ago.

 

“I know you may not want to… to tell Jemma what’s on your mind,” Daisy said suddenly. “You don’t want to burden her with more things to deal with because she is dealing with a lot, but you don’t have to keep everything in.” Daisy looked over at him.

 

“Jemma doesn’t care if you’re hearing the doctor, or if you’re depressed, or if you hate yourself, or if you are stuck in the hospital… Those things won’t make her love you any less, she knows you’re struggling and she can handle it. She does care about you shutting her out,” Daisy explained. “If it’s the doctor you’re struggling with, tell her. If it’s depression, tell her,” Daisy sounded desperate and Leo looked away from her.

 

“Fitz, she is terrified to lose you, and if you stop letting her in if you distance yourself… then she will feel she has lost you,” Leo barely glanced at her, knowing she was right. “Besides, you’ll be out of the hospital soon, and when you’re back on your feet and things will return to normal.

 

_ “She doesn’t know… So Jemma really didn’t tell anyone,” _ the doctor didn’t sound accusing, but more observant. He glanced around the room quickly before looking back at his friend, who gave him a sympathetic glance.

 

“He’s talking right now, isn’t he… the doctor,” Daisy said noticing his change in behavior. “What’s he saying,” she asked hesitantly. “No...nothing um… im...important,” Leo muttered after looking at the ceiling. “He n...never sh...shuts up,” he added nervously.

 

He watched as Daisy’s face fell. “I never did ask… how long have you been hearing him?” He could tell she was nervous about the reply. “I think you know how long,” he admitted. Daisy bites her lip and lets out a sigh. “S...since the fr...framewo..work,” she said.

 

Leo nodded, though he didn’t really have to. “I can’t imagine what it’s like,” she said slowly. Leo wasn’t planning on answering, and he didn’t think she expected on, but he couldn’t stop the words from slipping out. “Imagine everything you hate about yourself, all your doubts, and every mistake you made being repeated all the time.”

 

“Fitz, you are so stro-” Daisy didn’t even get the words out when he cut her off. “No. I’m...I’m not strong, yo...you, Jemma, and ev...everyone else ne… needs to st...stop saying that,” he said. Frustration and pain evident in his voice. 

 

“If I was s...str...strong, I n...never wo...would have had th...that ...the um… the psy...psychic split,” he said. He felt himself losing control of his emotions again. “Fitz, that wasn’t your fault,” she said quickly. Regretting that she even brought it up. 

 

“I ca...can’t contr...control this D...Daisy, I can’t… I’ll on...only hurt som...someone else I c...care about,” he said frantically. His mind bringing him back to his nightmare, the sight of Deke lying on the ground causing him to shutter. 

 

“That isn’t true, you’re not alone in this Fitz, If you talk to Jemma, and me, and honestly anyone, they can help you when it gets to be too much,” she seemed sure of her words, which only made him more frustrated. Why didn’t she just understand he would never be okay?

 

“We aren’t meant to go through things alone, just talk to -” once again he cut her off. “Yo...you’re not the one w...who has dr...dreams of uh… shooting your own gran...grandson!” He didn’t know why he told her, or why he shouted at her, but it felt nice to get it off his chest.

 

Daisy sucked in a breath, sitting up a little to look at him. “ That was a nightmare,” she said, realizing it must have been why he was in such bad shape when she entered the room. “Deke’s okay, more than okay actually… he recently discovered banana splits so…” she smiled, trying to cheer him up, but it didn’t work.

 

Leo watched as her shoulders dropped. “What else happened, in the nightmare?” It was a loaded question, one Leo didn’t want to answer. But something about Daisy’s soft, inquisitive gaze made him decide to open up. 

 

He told her about finding Deke and Jemma, about the team showing up and threatening him. About the footage of what he did, and the things Coulson said to him. How Jemma abandoned him and lastly, how Daisy seemed so excited to end him.

 

Daisy stared at him for a moment “Oh Fitz,” she whispered. “I just… It felt s...so real,” he said quietly. “I would never want to hurt you,” she promised. “And Coulson would never say those things, you have to know that… we all love you,” she promised.

 

“You d...don’t hate me?” It was the first thing he said that was clear, without any hint of how broken he seemed. “I don’t hate you,” she said softly. “And neither does the team. We stayed here for hours waiting to know if you were okay because we care about you that much,” she gave him a gentle smile before drying some of the tears that had leaked from his eyes.

 

Leo returned the smile, but Daisy knew it was forced. So, she pulled herself out of bed. “Now,” she announced. “It’s my job as… me, to cheer you up, properly. None of this fake smile stuff,” she stated. She watched Leo raises an eyebrow at her. 

 

“Jemma texted me earlier asking to bring some clothes, and I, being the thinker I am, decided to pack a little bit extra.” Leo knew she was purposely being over dramatic in her statements, and he knew it was just to make him smile.

 

“So, from personal experience of being shot, I know how boring it can be, just sitting in a hospital bed. So I brought games and movies and just a lot,” she said getting the bag from the floor and setting it on Jemma’s chairs. 

 

“I have got,” she reached in pulling out a shield tablet. “A tablet with dozens of movies so you’re not stuck with the hospital’s TV,” she set it down before reaching into the back. “Oh, and for the record, yes, all of what I downloaded was either nerd shows or documentaries about monkeys,” she smiled.

 

“Jemma told us your hands were still sensitive, so I figured movies were better than games, but I did download a few games for when you’re feeling better,” Daisy pulled out some cards and other board games. 

 

“I also brought these for when people visit, you can have someone help move the pieces, but I did bring some games that would challenge your mind, cause you like to do mind puzzles, which is weird but who am I to judge,” she smirked. Leo’s felt the fake smile fade, and get replaced with a real one. All this was done for him. 

 

“Oh, yeah, this weird stick thing, Mack and Deke made this. It’s to hold your cards, in case it’s just you and Jemma in the room and you two get bored,” she waved the cardholder around like a wand before setting it down.

 

“And lastly,” she said looking around the room. She pulled out a bag of chocolate, and another, filled with other candies. “The doctors can’t know since outside food isn’t allowed,” Daisy said as she sat down next to him. “You know I… um…” he paused thinking for a moment. The same way he would after his coma.

 

He was expecting Daisy to say ‘take your time’ or ‘it’s okay just breathe’ as she would before. It was nice that she was trying to help but when she did that it made him feel like a kid. However, Daisy stayed silent, waiting patiently for him to finish.

 

“I ca...can’t do anything,” he said after a moment, showing her his hands. “Well, that’s why we are gonna get some ice on those, and watch videos of drunk people falling off things,” Daisy said. Leo laughed ever so slightly which caused Daisy to smile even more.

 

He had a slight tear in the corner of his eye, which she wiped off. “You okay?” The question was soft and filled with sibling love. “I tho...though I had l...lost you for...forever, and I hat...hated that fe...feeling… I’m gl...glad I didn’t.” His voice was trembling as he spoke.

 

“I remember when I saw you, lying there in all that rubble and debris… you were so pale and I felt the exact same way,” she said. “Which is why, from here on out I am going to be here for you no matter what, because you’re my family, and I never want to lose you,” she told him, wiping off the few other tears that had formed.

 

“Yeah,” he said quietly looking up at her. Their eyes locking. “Family,” he responded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew I wanted a Daisy/Fitz reunion but I wasn't completely sure how I wanted things to work out, which is why I had Daisy come in and see Fitz broken down like that. I hope you guys enjoyed it and I can't wait to write the next chapter.
> 
> Leave your thoughts and ideas for this and the next chapter in the comments! I will use suggestions if I like them :)


	7. Put Your Empty Hands In Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma tells Fitz the news from the meeting with his doctor, the news makes Fitz think of a childhood memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING, the end of this chapter, and the beginning of the next will deal with a form of survivors' guilt and gets pretty heavy.

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Hᴀɴᴅs, ᴘᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇᴍᴘᴛʏ ʜᴀɴᴅs ɪɴ ᴍɪɴᴇ  
Aɴᴅ sᴄᴀʀs, sʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ sᴄᴀʀs ʏᴏᴜ ʜɪᴅᴇ  
Aɴᴅ ʜᴇʏ, ɪғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴡɪɴɢs ᴀʀᴇ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ  
Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇ sᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴄᴀɴ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴛᴏᴏ

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Jemma wasn’t expecting to see Fitz laughing when she got back from the doctors. She was hoping he would be sleeping but smiling was good too. She stayed, watching him for a small second and examining how he was holding himself. She watched the way he took a few deep breaths before he would go back to being ‘happy.’ 

 

Jemma watched him for a moment longer, looking at his expression. Anyone else would have seen him as a man who was dealing with his trauma and coping. However, she knew him for years, she could tell deep down he was still broken up and hurting, she wasn’t expecting that to go away for a long while, but it was nice to see him temporarily happy. 

 

His hands were resting on his lap, and even from the distance, she could see the bruising. She took a deep breath, reminding herself the bruises will go away. He had enough scars before the accident, she was glad he wouldn’t have too many after it. His side was guaranteed to scar, and he may have small thin scars from surgery but the rest of the cuts would go away.

 

Jemma took in a deep breath before she walked into the room. She spotted Daisy sitting next to him, they were watching something on a tablet that Daisy must have brought for him. Jemma couldn’t help the dreaded feeling that had been deep in her chest - since the psychic split - lift a little. She could see a small bag next to Daisy, meaning the women had put together a small care package for him, and Jemma more than likely.

 

Fitz needed his friend back, especially now. She wondered if Fitz had told Daisy about his being paralyzed but decided that unless he mentioned it while she was present, she wouldn’t hint at his condition. While she believed the team should know, she understood why Fitz didn’t want them too. When he woke from his coma, everyone knew about his brain injury right away, so they all tippy-toed around him. This way he could deal with the injury before having to deal with their reactions.

 

A part of Jemma didn't want to interrupt the two of them, she was considering leaving the room before she could be spotted. Since he had woken Fitz had been rightfully very upset, and Jemma couldn’t help wonder if she was making it worse. It was the same dread and anxiety she felt back when he was injured before. 

 

There had to be a reason that it was after she left, he started to feel happy again. She was the problem, she had to be. Daisy was obviously making him feel more relaxed, and while Jemma was glad he was relaxed, she wished she could be the one to have helped him. Before Jemma could decide if she would leave or stay, Daisy had looked up from the tablet and spotted the tired biochemist.

 

While his hospital mattress was laying flat, the nurses had kept two fluffy pillows under his, so he was sitting up slightly. So, Daisy shoved what looked like a small brightly colored bag under one of Fitz’s pillows. It wouldn’t surprise Jemma if Daisy had snuck in a few sugary treats for him. Daisy’s movement cause Fitz to glance over and Jemma watched as he took a deep breath in. Which only added to her guilty feelings. 

 

“Hey, you’re back,” Daisy smiled warmly. “I didn’t know you were planning on coming,” Jemma said as she walked closer to them. She suddenly became aware of the fact that firstly, her eyes were probably very red from crying, and secondly, her hand was holding Fitz’s not pleasant updated file.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Daisy said as she got off the bed and walked over to the bag. “I was gonna call and plan to come by tonight, but Deke was starting to annoy me so I just left base early.” Jemma couldn’t help but laugh slightly when Deke was mentioned. “I brought some things to make the stay more home-y, and some things for you too,” Daisy said.

 

“Thank you, Daisy, you’ve been an angel,” Jemma admitted as she gave her a quick hug. She could still see Fitz staring at her, though he was probably staring at the thick folder in her hands. “And sorry about Deke.” The apology was half sincere as well as rhetorical. “He isn’t too bad he just kept asking me about Fitz and leaving the base, and just things in general,” Daisy told her. 

 

Jemma glanced over at Fitz and watched as he quickly avoided eye contact with her. “How is…” she began to ask Daisy before she stopped. She walked away from the other woman and over to Fitz. “How are you feeling?” Jemma knew being talked about would only make Fitz feel more helpless than he already did. She didn’t need him to speak to know he was already berating himself for needing so much help. 

 

Fitz went to speak before she watched him decide to pause the video, but his hands were so sensitive he couldn’t press the screen enough to actually pause the video. “Let me,” Jemma said. She briefly ran her fingers through his hair before she paused the video and took a seat next to him. “Did you behave yourself,” she said, her voice gentle. She watched as Fitz relaxed his hands a bit. 

 

“Do I have to ask Daisy,” she teased lightly before looking over. While she was teasing she was also hoping Daisy would tell her how he was doing. “Well, he was,” Daisy began. “He was in a pretty grumpy mood when I got here,” Daisy explained. Jemma knew she was holding some details back, but she decided to not draw attention to it. She could discuss it with him in private.

 

“Then I brought out the videos of people doing stupid things and falling and he cheered right up,” Daisy’s voice was lighthearted and calming. “Well, thank you for doing that then,” Jemma said before she took a deep breath. “Do you think you could head back to base and bring Deke ack,” Jemma admitted. “He keeps texting and trying to call, I know he wants to see Fitz.” 

 

The truth was, Jemma wanted to talk to Fitz alone. She knew Deke was worried because of the texts and Daisy’s comments and base were at least 30 minutes or more away, so it would give her plenty of time to talk to Fitz and help him calm down from the information he was about to hear. Fitz understood hat Jemma was doing and he tensed up slightly. Daisy nodded before giving Jemma a quick hug and rubbing Fitz’s shoulders. She grabbed her keys and phone before heading from the hospital room, leaving Fitz and Jemma alone.

 

**~~~**

 

Once Daisy left the room Fitz looked away from Jemma. The two stayed silent long enough to know for sure Daisy couldn’t hear before Fitz spoke up. “How bad?” The question was asked with a shaky voice. Of course, he couldn’t ask ‘what did you talk about’ because he knew better than that. He knew that nothing in that interview had been good. 

 

“Fitz, you can’t-” Jemma began to respond. “Can’t what? Look at this as bad? Why not?” He wasn’t being harsh or cruel but genuine. “Jemma nothing in my life has ever not been absolutely awful,” he said in frustration before trying to calm down. He tried to push the tablet away but Jemma winded up moving it for him. 

 

“Yeah,” she said, tears in her life. “Nothing.” Fitz didn’t need to be a genius to know why his statement hurt her. “That isn’t what I meant,” he said quickly. “Fitz I am trying, I am trying to be the... the positive and the good right now but you aren’t making it easy.” Fitz watched as tears filled her eyes and his heart dropped in his chest. 

 

“And you know what the worst part is? The worst part is I can’t even be mad at you for being so upset because then I’m the bad guy,” Jemma said as a few tears dripped down from her face. “Jemma…” Fitz tried to interrupt but she wasn’t finished. “This isn’t easy for me either,” her voice broke. “Yeah, you won’t be able to walk, but it’s just as hard for me to watch you go through this!”

 

Fitz looked down and away from her, fighting back tears of his own.  _ “Woah, you managed to ruin another relationship, I did not see that coming,”  _ the doctor’s response was full of sarcasm and Fitz pressed his eyes shut. He heard Jemma sigh slightly and his lip quivered. “I just need to know,” Jemma said slowly. “Is my being here making this worse,” she asked. 

 

Fitz considered telling her what she would want to hear, but he knew he couldn’t lie to her. “Yes,” he said quietly as his eyes opened. Jemma sucked in a breath as tears ran down her face.  _ “You are really making things worse,” _ following the doctor's comment was what seemed like a mocking laugh. “Well… it’s complicated, but in a way, yes it is.” Fitz looked over at Jemma hesitantly.

 

“You… you make it worse because,” Fitz felt the words get stuck in his throat. “Because I want to be more for you.” Jemma’s hand looked to be trembling as she dried the few tears off her cheek. “I should be the one who's taking care of you, carrying you to bed when you fall asleep in the lab, or rubbing your feet after a long day but I-”

 

“You risked your life so a little girl wouldn’t have to lose her mom,” Jemma said immediately. “I’m so proud of you and I can’t express this enough,” she told him. “I know why you think those things but Fitz, I promise we will get back to you being able to take care of me,” she said. “I don’t want you looking at me and feeling guilty,” she added. 

 

“I can’t help it, I want to be better… I want to be okay, for you,” he said. “But instead you go to a meeting with the doctor and come back with even more bad news than you had before and I don’t know how much more bad news I can take.” He couldn’t help his voice from being shaky and broken. “It’s always bad news.”

 

Jemma reached over, taking his right hand in hers. “No, it isn’t always bad news, it won’t all be bad,” she promised. “Yes, this meeting happened to have bad news, but you also were hurt a week ago, it’s going to take time, but I know that it’ll get better, you just have to promise me you won’t give up.”

 

Fitz was silent for a short time, his mind at war with himself. The doctor telling him he wasn’t strong enough to do this. Jemma telling him to keep fighting. “I won’t give up,” he promised after a moment. “But I don’t think I can be… really happy right now.” Jemma let go of his hands before she ran her fingers through his hair. 

 

“As long as you talk to me, and let me in, then that’s okay,” she told him. “I just can’t be the one to make this worse, I need you to know that when I say I will always care about you and love you, I mean it, with my entire heart I mean it.” Fitz looked up at her and took a few deep breaths. “I’ll do my best to remember that,” he swallowed a bit. 

 

Fitz watched as Jemma took a deep breath, he could see her grow slightly relieved. He was really going to try, but he wanted to be everything Jemma deserved.  _ “And you won’t stop falling short.” _ Fitz did his best to push the doctor's voice to the back of his mind. “You may as well tell me what the doctor said. Now or never, ya know,” he told her. 

 

Fitz could tell that Jemma really didn’t want to add more bad news to how he was already feeling. He felt bad enough about what he told her earlier. Of course, Jemma being there made Fitz feel bad for being hurt, but she was his best friend and he didn’t want anyone else there with him through this. She had left him with his brain injury and it nearly broke him. This time, she had promised to stay, and that was more of a gift then even he could process. 

 

“Jemma, I would rather hear this from you, then anyone else. I know what I said would make it seem like I didn’t want you around but… after my brain injury you weren’t there and I struggled a lot. Just like then I feel pathetic and helpless, but I want you here because I need you, I need you more than you realize.”

 

Jemma smiled faintly before she dried her eyes and opened up the file. Fitz shifted a bit to get more comfortable as Jemma pulled out a few papers. “Your body is still in shock, and it has to repair a lot, so your healing is going slower. Meaning your side and the swelling in your back will take longer to be healed then planned.” Fitz watched her eyes fixate on the report and knew she was purposely avoiding looking over at him. 

 

“He wants to get you into surgery in about two or three days for your knee and ankle. Even though you can’t feel them, they are broken and need to be set properly.” Jemma was still avoiding eye contact with him. “But, I don’t want more surgery, I’ll get tired and feel light-headed when I wake up,” he told her, hoping she would look at him.

 

“Well, they would rather do it while you’re already tired instead of letting it heal on its own, have you recover, and then go in and rebreak it, then deal with after surgery effects a second time. I tried to have him move it back but, he wouldn’t agree,” she told him. After that, Jemma went quiet. Her eyes still staring at the paper.

 

Usually, when someone goes quiet it means the information is done, but Fitz knew Jemma better than that. “Okay, so I’m healing, but slowly, I need more surgery in my knee and ankle, I’m still paralyzed, my hands are gonna heal, the bruising will go away, and the injury to my side will heal but will scar, right?”

 

“No Fitz, your hands they-” this is when her voice broke and she started crying, trying to get control of herself. Fitz couldn’t help start panicking as she cried. “Jemma, Jemma what’s wrong with my hands,” he said frantically. He could get used to not having the ability to walk, it would take a while but he could learn to cope. His hands, he couldn’t lose those. He couldn’t be completely helpless, he thought that his hands just needed time.

 

Fitz felt the color drain from his face. “Jemma, I’m a… an en...engineer I need, I need my hands,” he said as his breathing picked up. Jemma managed to get a hold of her breathing before she looked at him. “The… there’s a lot of nerve damage,” she said slowly, doing her best to explain it. “No,” Fitz said as his body tensed.

 

**~~~**

 

_ Two years ago, his father had left, his father had left his mom to struggle to keep food on the table and a roof over their head. At first, Leo found the change to be extremely hard, and while it still was he was 12 now, he was the man of the house.  _

 

_ He still had countless hours of time alone in the house with his mom working, and it made him feel useless. She refused to let him give up his education. Always telling him ‘you’re smart enough to make it where I never could.’ He still didn’t know what his mom meant, but he did what she asked.  _

 

_ As he walked into the empty house he could smell something gross. Slowly, he set his bag down at the door before slowly searching for the smell. A year ago, even a few weeks ago he would have hoped it was his dad, but now he knew better. _

 

_ His dad wasn’t coming home, and even if he would, this wasn’t the same foul stench of alcohol he would smell after his dad passed out drunk without a shower.  _

 

_ When Leo made his way into the kitchen he spotted the old fridge. After his mom and he had to move, they had to get new appliances. This was a hand me down fridge from a friend. It was also the source of the bad smell.  _

 

_ Leo made his way over and opened the door, sure enough, the lights were dead on the inside. The food inside had gone bad, no doubt it had been out since the night before but didn’t start smelling till now.  _

 

_ Scolding himself for not noticing it sooner Leo looked around. If he had eaten breakfast this morning as his mother had asked, he could have taken the broken fridge to a junker to sell parts for money, then spend the rest of the day doing small jobs till he could buy a new one, instead he went to school.  _

 

_ Checking the time Leo realized he had till 9 to figure something out. That’s when his mother would come home from work, and seeing the broken appliance was the last thing she needed. She was already working two jobs for the week, then another two jobs on weekends just to get by. _

 

_ Leo thought about the few mechanical kits he had in his room. He had gotten them years ago when his dad was with them, he could probably get a good 200 or more pounds for them. Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to find a buyer.  _

 

_ “My mechanical kits!” Talking to himself was a common thing when ideas came into his head, he wasn’t sure if he should be concerned about how often he had conversations with himself, but he assumed others did it too. _

 

_ “I’m so stupid, why didn’t I think of this,” he said running up the stairs of the small home. When he got into the room he pulled out the kits he had and then headed back downstairs to get to work. He hoped he could fix it, even temporarily.  _

 

_ After tossing out the old, now rotten, food, he got to work. It took him a while to remove the fridge from the wall, and even longer to get the back off without breaking it. After that, the 12-year-old started to determine what was wrong.  _

 

_ Most of the internal structure was old and worn out. Rust and frail wires were most of the pieces. Eventually, he found the exact problem with it and grabbed his tools and started to figure out a fix. He was lost in his work when he heard the front door shut.  _

 

_ “Leo,” his mom called. Leo went silent. He didn’t want her to see him fixing an appliance, she shouldn’t even know it was broken. Despite being silent, the light in the kitchen gave him away and she walked into the kitchen.  _

 

_ “Um, what are you doing?” His mom didn’t seem mad, more confused. “Where are the leftovers we were going to have for dinner, and why is the fridge in the middle of the room?” Leo stared at her for a moment before realizing the truth was the easiest explanation.  _

 

_ “When I came home there was a smell, and I realized it was the fridge, and well I didn’t have time to sell my mechanics kit to buy a new one before you got home so I figured I would try and fix it,” he said in one breath. _

 

_ His mom kicked off her shoes before slowly going to sit next to her son. “Leo, you don’t have to buy, or fix a fridge, you’re my son,” she said. Before she could continue Leo spoke up. “I’m the man of the house,” he said hesitantly.  _

 

_ “I have to provide for you.” Tears slipped down his mom’s cheeks before she cupped his face in her hands. “You are,” she paused trying to think of the words. “You are the best person I have ever known,” she said pulling him into her arms.  _

 

_ After hugging him for a moment his mom let her go. “I knew the fridge was going to go out sooner or later, I’ll pick up another shift this week so I can-” she began. “No!” Leo practically yelled.  _

 

_ “I already had my dad leave, I can’t have you always gone too,” he said. “I can fix it, I promise I can,” Leo glanced at his mom and she nodded. “Alright, you can work on it for another hour, if it doesn’t work that’s okay, we can go downtown, get dinner, and then I’ll call my boss. It’s okay if you can’t fix everything.” Kissing his forehead his mom went to get changed from work. _

 

_ Leo sat back down and rubbed the back of his neck. He glanced at the fridge before realizing the only way to properly fit it was new parts, now to fix it improperly, he may be able to get it to work. He worked for about 30 minutes before he needed to test it again.  _

 

_ His mom had come downstairs and then plugged everything back in before switching it on. The refrigerator came to life and his mom laughed slightly before grabbing Leo and kissing his cheek. “You did it!” _

 

_ Leo smiled a bit. “No need to sound so surprised,” he said sarcastically. She hugged him tightly before reluctantly letting him go. “It may go out again,” he added. He had a habit of downplaying his accomplishments.  _

 

_ “Well, it gives me time to set aside money for a new one, now let’s go get some food okay,” his mom wrapped one arm around him before the two of them walked out to the car.  _

 

_ It was the first time in a while that Leo finally felt like he was making a difference. Like he was actually helping his mom, instead of just making everything harder for her. He was able to fix things, and help her, and it felt wonderful. _

 

**~~~**

 

Forty minutes had passed of Leo just staring at the roof while Jemma rubbed his arm in silence. He knew his life was going to change the moment he learned he was paralyzed, but this was too much. He could have learned how to stay in the lab, he could stop going on missions. Maybe he would be the head of the science division and work on his projects, sending Deke into the field instead of him while he worked on his designs at the base.

 

“Leo,” Jemma said finally. He kept staring at the roof as he took a few deep breaths before realizing he couldn’t hide from reality anymore. Slowly Leo glanced over at Jemma. “I’m sorry,” she said once more. “It…. It isn’t your fault.” Leo felt the words get stuck in his throat as he spoke.

 

“You don’t deserve this, out of every-” Jemma started. “Stop,” Leo interrupted. “There’s… no point in doing that.” Most of the hope and positivity had left his voice. “We’ll… figure it out,” he said. He wanted to believe his own words, but he couldn’t. “Where um… when will Daisy be back,” he said clearing his throat. He needed to know how much longer he had to hate life before he had to pretend things would be okay.

 

“I don’t know,” Jemma said quietly. “I’ll step out and call her. Do you want me to turn something on for you?” Jemma stood from her chair and Leo could have sworn she was relieved to leave the room. Something about the white walls and blue curtains and blankets made the room seem dark and sinister. The feeling of death and pain seemed to be heavy in the air, or maybe that was his imagination.

 

“No, I don’t think there would… would be anything good one,” Leo’s voice slowly grew quieter as he spoke. Jemma nodded before she headed from the room and into the hall to make the call. While she was gone Leo brought his hands up to look at them. They were still covered in black and purple bruises along with small dark red cuts.

 

His chest felt heavy and he felt like he was a ten-year-old kid again. Watching his whole life got flipped upside down all while he watched helplessly from the sidelines. How did things always seem to get so bad so fast? Every time he was finally happy something would knock him right back over to where he started. It was a never-ending fight for him, and he couldn’t understand why. What had he done that was so bad? He would say this was karma for the framework, but his luck was always bad. Even before he had decided to create that false world he never seemed to have things work out.

 

Leo felt, once again on the verge of having a complete breakdown. He felt his eyes darting around the room as he tried not to cry. His lower lip quivered as he thought about his injuries. His broken knee and ankle, the surgery he would need, those didn’t matter. He looked down at his hands, the dark bruises mostly covered by the tight braces. How was he supposed to be an engineer without his hands? Leo tried to control his breathing but he couldn’t. 

 

As Leo inspected the cuts and bruising on his hand he noticed his wedding ring wasn’t there. It didn’t surprise him that it was removed, his hands would go through swelling and pain surges for a while and the doctors probably wanted to off his fingers so that his hands could heal. It was then that he looked down at the hospital gown he was wearing. His eyes trailed around the room, nothing was right, nothing was familiar or how it should be. 

 

Leo had always hated change, and he didn’t react well to it. He could feel his mind spirling, and for once he and the doctor were saying the same thing.  _ “I don’t want this.” _ Leo felt his throat tightening as he fought down his emotions, his chest began to feel tight once again. The tightness triggering memories. 

 

The sound of creaking, searing pain and darkness. Vague, faint sounds of Mack and May’s voice calling his name. The stream of light hitting his face as the large concrete block was removed from him. The way Mack grabbed his hand and held it tightly, telling him it would be okay. The tears falling from May’s face. Then, darkness.

 

Leo felt his throat tightening up and he let out a strangled cough. He glanced over at the door as Jemma made her way back into the room. In one glance she could tell he was having a hard time. “Daisy has a few things to do one base, so she will come by for dinner.” Jemma walked over to him before sitting down. “You need to talk to me, what are you thinking about?”

 

Leo was silent for a moment before speaking up. “Believe me, you…. You um, really don’t want to know.” Leo couldn’t help his lip quiver as he spoke to her. He didn’t want her to feel like she wasn’t enough for him, because she was. Yet he couldn’t help feel this way. How was he supposed to live without needing help for everything? How was he supposed to spend the rest of his life tormented by the doctor? 

 

“It won’t matter what you say, I want to know,” Jemma said gently as she sat down. He could see her eyes filling with worry as she stared at him. Leo looked away from her and stared up at the ceiling. 

 

“He won’t go away, the doctor, and he um… he never will, I know that no matter how old I get, he will be there, in my head, telling me things and…” Leo swallowed. “I can’t imagine what that’s-” Leo cut her off as she spoke. “No… you can’t.”

 

Jemma took a deep breath and slowly sat back in her seat. Leo felt like he was losing himself, and it made him terrified he was losing her too. How could she really love him as long as the doctor, someone she hated, lived in his head?

 

Leo didn’t want to push her away but he couldn’t stop himself from doing it. He couldn’t stop himself from ruining every single thing that he touched. It was like his childhood all over again. Never enough and always messing up. 

 

“You’ve been through a lot,” Jemma said after a moment of silence. “And most of it, you went through it alone. After your coma I got scared, and I ran away. Then after the framework, you were locked up. I’m willing to bet that as a child, after your dad left you didn’t rely on your mom because you were worried about her, so you went through that alone too,” Jemma pointed out. 

 

“Why are you bringing those up?” Leo’s brow furrowed as he spoke to her. "Because you were alone, meaning you had to handle it, force everything down and get better because people were depending on you," she said gently. "You don't have to do that now. I'm here, as I'll be here every day, and every night until you get sick of me," she told him. 

 

"You don't have to force everything down anymore. So what are you thinking that you're so afraid to tell me?" Leo glanced over at her,  her eyes were filled with concern and he knew not telling would do her more harm than good. Slowly he nodded then spoke up.

 

"You shouldn't have saved my life."

**Author's Note:**

> So I honestly don't know when the next chapter will be up cause I am NOT a med student and need to learn terms and medical stuff xD I am also going to try and have work count at 5k-6k each chapter because I want to have really good chapters. Hopefully, I won't make you wait too long. Also, most of the book will be from Fitz's POV but the first 2 or 2 and a half will be others since Fitz is kinda... out of it.


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